At the dawn of the world, everyone rock-climb-commuted to work. It was only after the invention of falling, however, that rock climbing became thrilling, sexy, and glamorous. Today's Groupon invites you to live the life of a rock star: for $24, you get a one-month membership with gear and a belay lesson (a $60 value) at Rock Spot Climbing in Lincoln. This Groupon is valid at both the Lincoln and Boston metro locations.
Rock Spot Climbing’s state-of-the-art facilities provide vertical relief for humans bored by the tedium of everyday horizontal existence. After an initial belay lesson (a $36 value) that instructs beginners on the basics, clients will work their vestigial mountain-goat muscles during a solid month of membership (a $24 value, equipment rental included) at either of Rock Spot’s faux-rock locations. With feet shoe-shod, bodies harnessed, and fingers blessed by lucky chalk dust, climbers can cling to holds lackadaisically and boulder with reckless abandon, confident in the auto-belayers and crash pads that anxiously await their chance to protect the ground from unsightly you-shaped dents. The newly renovated indoor gym features more than 10,000 square feet of textured, 30-foot walls, more than 50 rope stations, and multifarious bouldering routes in the dedicated bouldering cave, satisfying even the most implacable climbers with numerous opportunities to anticlimactically cliff-hang.
Rock Spot Climbing opens its doors from 10 a.m. to midnight every day, and the climate-controlled environment lets sore-armed forearms unwind in a lounge with free WiFi, vending machines, and a changing room with showers. To maintain high safety standards, the gym stocks heavy-duty equipment and staffs reliable instructors who constantly monitor the venue for potential hazards, such as territorial snow leopards. A partner is required for top-roping, so commission a friend to belay you as you slither frantically up Rock Spot’s walls and seek a safe alcove in which to lay your eggs.
Groupon Says
Your Mind and the Mountain
Ask any experienced mountain climber and he or she will tell you the same thing: the tallest mountain is the one in your mind. Luckily, today’s Groupon keeps you indoors and away from the madness that most climbers succumb to. Here’s a look at what your mental state would be like as you made your way up a real mountain:
- 2,000 feet: The nagging feeling that you’ve left your oven on is misguided. You haven’t.
- 5,000 feet: Breathing becomes labored; earthly memories fade.
- 10,000 feet: Why does it smell like Christmas?
- 20,000 feet: Weight of the treasured Elf Stones lifted only by inspiring visions of the Gates of Shamagor.
- 30,000 feet: Break for lunch.
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