"Get in shape" hovers near the top of many New Year's resolution lists, right next to "deal with raccoon infestation," "figure out how raccoons get trapped in the TV," and "stop watching so many TV shows starring raccoons." Check off all four items with today’s Groupon, assuming raccoons are scared off by your newly intimidating figure: for $150, you get three months of unlimited CrossFit group training, three nutrition consultations, two personal-training sessions, and one introductory session (an $840 value) at CrossFit Clayton, located on West Main Street.
CrossFit is a high-intensity results-driven fitness program that helps people burn off an inactive lifestyle. The dedicated coaches at CrossFit Clayton provide new and challenging workouts with sessions adapted to fit every fitness level, including the elusive Donkey Kong kill-screen level. The workouts, which take place in a fully equipped gym, consist of functional movements such as pushing, pulling, squatting, sneezing, lifting, and running. Today's deal also nabs you three one-on-one nutritional consultations, two one-on-one personal-training sessions, and one one-on-one introductory session, providing zero opportunities for unhealthy habits to come calling. Check ahead for scheduling information and to make reservations.
In honor of National American Red Cross Month, CrossFit Clayton will donate 10 percent of its revenue from today's deal to the Triangle chapter of the Red Cross, and Groupon will match the donation.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to Everyman's Classics: "Moby-Dick"
Everyman should enjoy classic literature, which is why the Groupon Guide invented the Everyman's Classics study-guide series. This installment covers:
Moby-Dick: Chapter 29: "Enter Ahab; To Him, Stubb"
Summary:
Ok, so, at this point, they've been on the boat for a long time––but not like a huge amount of time––but like six months or something, and they are starting to get into warm weather. Everyone is happy about that because it is nicer to be warm than cold. So, it's nighttime and nobody had really seen Captain Ahab that much, even though he is a main character.
So, it's a big deal when he comes out of his room. He has a peg leg from when a whale bit him and he starts walking softly because it's night and he doesn't want to wake up all the sailormen who are sleeping in the big part of the boat where sleeping happens.
Then this guy Stubbs, who is sort of like a mini captain under Ahab, says something like, "Ahab, you know you're the captain. No one's gonna get cheesed-off and yell at you if you tromp around all loud." This really cheeses-off Ahab, who yells stuff like, "Don't tell me stuff like that. I'm a captain and you're a mini captain. You are a dog." Stubbs is then like, "I'm not a dog, please. I'm a mini captain." Ahab get's really cheesed-off then and starts running over and yelling, "You are a donkey-dog and shut up!" Then Ahab kicks Stubbs with his peg leg right in the face. Stubbs runs away and goes down to the sleeping place and is like, "I can't believe he got so cheesed-off and kicked me in my face. Maybe I should pray for him?"
Interpretation:
This is our first glimpse into Ahab's despotic givings. He is an unstoppable force prone to anger and face-smashings. Also, it is ironic that Stubbs wants to pray for Ahab because Ahab worships the skeleton of a mermaid he keeps in his quarters. Finally, there is no whale in this chapter, rendering it boring.
Important Quote:
"Silence, Stubbs, you donkey dog. I came here to kick faces and kill whales and looks like there ain't no whales around."
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