Light comes in many forms—be it beautiful, like a rainbow, practical, like a laser, or awe-inspiring, like an applause sign’s first live studio performance. Harness the beautifying power of light with today's Groupon: for $899, you get six Zerona laser treatments at Esteem Medical Spa and Salon (an $1,800 value).
Under the expert guidance of Dr. Glass, the staff at Esteem Medical Spa and Salon harnesses the power of FDA-approved Zerona cold-laser technology, designed to reduce corporeal circumferences by an average of 3.5 inches. During each session, clients relax beneath a beam-slinging apparatus for 40 minutes as it glides low-light lasers over their waistline, back, hips, and thighs, emulsifying adipose tissue so that fat can sneak its way out of the body. The disintegrated lipid depots can then be absorbed by the body’s obsessively tidy lymphatic system and expelled through the body’s natural detoxification process and complex system of water slides. The noninvasive treatment requires minimal recovery time.
Technicians perform the six sessions within 72 hours of each other over the span of two weeks. Patients can boost results with healthy eating habits, daily exercise, and regular hydration. Like sumo-wrestling costumes, caffeine and alcohol decrease the procedure’s potency.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Archaeology
Archaeology is the science of digging up dirt to find morsels of broken ceramics and delicious bones to make history soup. Here’s a guide to executing an archaeological dig:
• Any location can be an archaeological site if you dig deep enough. Sift through your neighbor’s trash to find a wealth of information about how humans survive and where the catalogs go after you circle everything you want and leave them on your neighbor's doorstep.
• Digging for bones used to be outsourced to dogs, but ever since they embarrassed us at the dog park, humans have done our own digging. Be sure to bring a shovel, a trowel, and an insatiable need to destroy an earthworm's habitat.
• Archaeologists collect human bones to remind us that everyone in the past was a spooky skeleton until humans evolved to have flesh in the late 1950s and souls in the early 1990s.
• When an archaeologist finds a pottery fragment, he must also find the other fragments of the jar it came from and reassemble them, or risk being the only archaeologist who has never drunk mead from an ancient jar.
• Use carbon dating to find out how old fossils are. Carbon dating is a process in which scientists take fossilized carbon on a date and ask it questions about the 1970s to find out if it is old enough to remember that time period.
• If you can't find any fossils, make some of your own by putting a lizard in a tray of wet clay.
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