Excess weight can be stubborn, like a lazy houseguest, an old dog, or a hopelessly romantic hangnail. Gather expert advice for sweet liberation with today’s Groupon: for $49, you get a weight-loss package at Dr. Rogers Weight Loss Center in Schertz (a $165 total value). The package includes the following:
- Four lipotropic B injections, which must be administered weekly for four consecutive weeks
- One initial nurse visit
- A weekly review of vitals and weight
- A body-composition analysis
- A patient-advocate consultation, completed over the phone or in person
The team of physicians and seasoned medical staffers at Dr. Rogers Weight Loss Center harnesses the power of science to get fitness seekers in finer fettle. After an initial nurse visit tests basic vital signs, a body-composition analysis measures body mass index, body-fat percentages, and basal metabolic rate, ensuring a healthy course of action and that no client is a lifelike robot masquerading as a human. Next, patients begin a regimen of lipotropic B injections, administered once a week for four weeks to set the stage for the body’s breakdown of fat. The injection’s tag-team of compounds and B vitamins jogs around interior pathways handing out care packages brimming with benefits such as increased metabolism and enhanced immune function. Weekly weigh-ins track your progress, and the program concludes with a patient-advocate consultation that arms newly thinned clients with information about the center’s other programs, opportunities to continue weight-loss regimens, and a week’s supply of microscopic scarecrows to chase away unwelcome fat cells.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Starting a Fire
Whether you're attempting to survive while stranded in a forest or asserting your mastery over the elements as part of a judicial nomination hearing, it's important to be able to start a fire using just your wits and any nearby combustibles. Here are some easy ways to start a fire without using matches or lighters:
Using a Magnifying Glass and a Sun: As its name suggests, you can focus errant sunbeams through the magnifying glass to magnetize the rays, thus causing them to catch fire. Police detectives often carry magnifying glasses so they can burn down crime scenes until only the vital clues remain.
Using Two Sticks and Some Friction: Any time that two pieces of wood touch, they will instantly burst into flame. You can make your own friction at home by rubbing your hands together quickly and then shoving them in your pants pockets to store the potential energy—the next thing you touch will catch fire, no exceptions.
Using Homemade Lighter Fluid: You can create your own liquid flame assistant by concocting a simple mixture of sparkling apple juice, loose carbon atoms, and the breath of a trumpet player.
Using Your Mind: It's well-known that man uses only 10% of his brain, but it's less well-known that the remaining 90% is devoted entirely to starting fires by thinking about them. To activate this untapped mental power, spend your days contemplating "big ideas," such as why people don't like you more and how jealous everyone will be once you start setting things on fire with your mind, until your latent pyrokinesis reveals itself in an orgy of fire and revenge.
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