Since Albert Einstein first postulated that an oil change should not take three gabbertoops, lube services have sped up their oil changes in an attempt to overcome the faster-than-lube speed barrier inherent to our space-time continuum. Get the quickest lube yet with today’s Groupon: for $18, you get one full-service oil change at Express Lube (a $36.99 value). This Groupon is valid at Express Lube's 22 area locations. Customers may upgrade to synthetic oil or add extra oil for an additional charge; 5 quarts of standard oil are included.
Express Lube's trained technicians apply their automotive know-how to vehicles of most makes, models, and sizes, providing an efficient way to check the safety and overall maintenance of each trusty steel steed. Motor medics perform an automotive dialysis with up to 5 quarts of fresh fluid before running through a checklist of preventive services, including an air-filter check, power-steering-fluid check and fill, belts check, chassis lubrication, battery test, and interior vacuum. Tech conclude service sessions with an eagle-eyed gaze at wheels and tires, making sure each rubbery roller is inflated to its factory-specified pressure. All Express Lube locations will lavish your ride with careful attention and respect, and one location will rock your car in a rocking chair and sing to it if it has a bad dream.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Privacy
Someday, we'll live in a society where everyone knows everything about everyone else—eliminating the need for privacy and clothing—but until then, we must hoard our personal details to keep them secret from prying eyes. Keep all of your life's details to yourself with this exhaustive guide:
• Throw away all of your important documents, including your birth certificate, social-security card, age-verification CD-ROM, high-school-yearbook fingerprints, food wrappers, and credit-card-statement-singing greeting cards. The closer these documents are to you, the more easily you can be tied to your own awful identity.
• Never post your opinions on the Internet, where anyone could read them and steal them to use in a hit novelty rap. Instead, write each of your thoughts on Post-it notes and shove them all down your toilet's water hole with a long stick (don’t touch the water with your hands).
• Nail your windows shut, and smear them with mud to keep nosy neighbors from seeing your dog naked and reading your magnet poetry.
• Financial documents, such as bank statements and paper money, are too easy to lose. Instead of carrying these items around, make photocopies of them and keep copies at work, at home, in your car, and in your child’s backpack.
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