The act of ivory tickling can cheer up a crowd, win over a love interest, or make a peaceful pachyderm feel significantly more like stampeding. Get your phalanges flowing with today's Groupon: for $39, you get four half-hour private music lessons on guitar, bass guitar, or drums at The Musicology (up to a $90 value). Lessons must be taken once a week for four consecutive weeks.
The Musicology pairs pupils of varying skill levels with instructors—who each have more than 20 years of performing, recording, and touring experience—in private and personalized half-hour practice sessions. Recipient of a Grammy certificate for his work with Tejano artist Emilio Navaira, owner Julian Escobedo aids apprentice shredders in guitar, bass, or cheese-grating fundamentals and technique. James Garcia ingrains novices with acoustic and electric guitar skills and rock, country, or funk flourishes as drummer Rene H. Solorzano, a Musicians Institute of California graduate, guides students through their percussive pursuits.
Each lesson teaches patrons to read music, develop and apply elements of music theory and composition to their playing, master chord progressions, and synchronize solos with timed pyrotechnic explosions.
Though The Musicology sometimes offers a discounted price online, this Groupon still represents the best deal available.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Bad Habits
Every human body is just a reservoir for helpful, disgusting fluids and bad habits. Here's a guide to some common habits and why they're considered bad:
• Rolling Eyes: A nonverbal expression of disdain or common side effect of wearing bifocal contact lenses, an eye roll can cause dizziness and disorientation, unless it's coupled with a sarcastic comment, such as, "Great facial expressions, Alice!" or "I guess we'll never know which Darren can't stop burping."
• Biting Nails: It's true that biting nails keeps them at a safe length for petting a blimp or touching a baby's head, but it also has serious health drawbacks. Nail biters suffer from chronic dehydration from not being able to open cans of soda, as well as loneliness after failing to peel price tags off of friends' birthday gifts.
• Grinding Teeth: Teeth make mouths dangerous to navigate during kissing, which is why hopeless romantics are always trying to grind their teeth down into soft nubs. The downside to grinding teeth is that the resulting shavings are extremely valuable and will make you a target for ivory hunters.
• Chewing with Mouth Open: Though you may think you're doing your table neighbors a kindness by showing them that you're not eating their food, chewing with your mouth open produces a disturbing sound that reminds many people of the time their robot drank quicksand.
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