Carpets, like dogs, often hide under the dining-room table and let out audible whimpers when threatened with bath time. Make your carpets howl like the beasts they are with today's Groupon: for $40, you get a four-room carpet cleaning from Ace Carpet Cleaning (an $80 value). Ace Carpet Cleaning serves San Diego County.
Ace Carpet's comprehensive cleaning process evicts soil and grime from prime pile real estate. Over the course of 90–120 minutes, well-trained rug rustlers will shampoo each carpet with a high-speed spin bonnet, scrubbing away stains caused by splashing during red-wine foot baths. Then spots are steam cleaned away with a hot-water extraction. Finally, muscular breezes from a set of high-speed air movers bully away wetness, so that homeowners can quickly make like a rattlesnake, shedding socks to burrow bare feet deep inside newly cleaned home turf.
While there is no restriction on each room's size, stairwells will cost $10 extra. Furniture will be moved upon customer request only; however, larger items and liability-prone items are left in place under the regular pricing structure.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Meteorology
One of the most confusing of the "ologies," meteorology is actually the study of weather, just as weatherology is the study of meteorology. Here are a few ways you can predict the weather yourself, so you never have to watch the news or talk to anyone else ever again:
- Hold a dampened finger up in the wind. Depending on which side of your finger gets cold first, you may be inside of a tornado.
- If you don't like the weather in your city, wait five minutes. If your uncontrollable rage has not subsided after five minutes, move to a different city.
- If your grandfather's old knee injury starts acting up, it means a storm is coming—a metaphorical storm symbolizing the inescapable perils of old age.
- Remember, a sun wearing sunglasses means a heat wave is underway, just as raisins wearing sunglasses indicate an approaching "cool" front, and a sun wearing sunglasses holding two scoops of raisins means a 90% chance of a complete breakfast.
- You can tell how far away the center of a storm is by counting the seconds between lightning and thunder then multiplying that number by the amount of time you've wasted listening to the sky.
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