Viewed as a transitional period between the Stone Age and the Iron Age, the Bronze Age signaled the birth of tanning spas that catered to champagne-sipping cave dwellers and the prehistoric paparazzi. Recreate history with today’s Groupon: for $40, you get $100 worth of services at Afterglow Tan & Spa in Poway.
Beautifying beyond the bronze, Afterglow boasts scores of age-defying services that relax muscles and turn back skin’s epidermal clock. Shade-shifters can build a tanning package of 12 single sessions ($85) on a Level 1–3 bed, or interrogate their human suits with a high-pressure tan ($25 each) that deepens exteriors without criminal intent. Pair vitamin D replenishments with a 60-minute, full-body massage ($60+) or 60-minute sports assuaging ($90) designed to unwind muscle fibers better than a repeated pelting in a batting cage. In addition to traditional massage therapies, Afterglow unhinges feet, arms, hands, and ears with reflexology ($25–$60) or cranial massage ($90/60 minutes) that prompts mammalian circuitry to flow freely. Those looking to enhance elastin may opt for a red-light collagen therapy session ($15) that melds sun-bed technology with infrared lights to prompt tissue regeneration to reveal younger, more supple skin.
In addition to its basic services, Afterglow showers bodies with scores of add-ons during all massage treatments. Try a full-body sugar scrub ($35) or face and neck polish scrub ($15) that shines your face brighter than your uncle's collection of bowling trophies from 1982.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to Everyman's Classics: To Kill a Mockingbird
Everyman should enjoy classic literature, which is why the Groupon Guide invented the Everyman's Classics study-guide series. This installment covers:
To Kill a Mockingbird: Chapter 10
Summary: OK, so, Scout and Jem (which are the kids' names for some reason) are all unhappy because their dad, Atticus (?), is an old nerd. He reads books instead of hunting and fishing and stuff. But he is still cool enough to give them some air rifles. When he does that he says, "OK, so, I know you two kids are going to use these to try and kill a bunch of birds. I understand that. Shoot as many blue jays as you want. Just shoot the ever-loving tar out of them. But remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird."
The kids are confused about this because it seems like a crazy thing to say. So they talk to Miss Maudie, a lady that they know. And she says that because mockingbirds don't do anything but sing that you shouldn't kill them or something. She also tells them to shoot at blue jays because they are ugly and terrible.
Then this rabid dog comes into the neighborhood. It is all rabid and has diseases coming out of its mouth. It wants to bite everyone. Atticus doesn't want to do it but he decides that someone has to put the dog out of misery. So he gets his rifle and shoots it from a really long way's away even though he isn’t good at football or lifting weights. The two kids are totally surprised that their dad can do this. Miss Maudie tells them that he has always been good at shooting things and that people call him "ol' one-shot Atticus." The kids are all like "WHAT!?" and then go play probably.
Analysis: Here we see the measured, confident Atticus: a man of the world with a strong moral compass in a town that celebrates dumb muscle. He teaches his children the folly in destroying beauty while setting them on a path to defeat the vile blue jay. Finally, scholars agree that if the book were a movie, Atticus would say, "It's a sin…" and then look into the camera and say, "…to kill a mockingbird."
Important Quote: "I wish dad didn't wear glasses and could kill ghosts with hockey sticks. But wait, look, he shot that dog! Neat!"
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