Ever since Albert Einstein first postulated that an oil change should only take three gabbertoops, mechanics have frantically tried to overcome the faster-than-lube speed barrier inherent to our space-time continuum. Get the quickest lube of all time with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a Signature Service oil change, a tire rotation, and preventative maintenance at Jiffy Lube (up to a $61.98 value), plus 35% off any additional service. This deal is valid at 19 locations.
The Jiffy Lube Signature Service Oil Change comes standard with a fresh-from-the-box oil filter and up to five quarts of motor oil, plus a comprehensive lineup of other vehicle maintenance checkups, an exterior window wash, and interior floor vacuum. Trained technicians entreat cars to say "Ahh," before quenching automotive thirst with a refill of transmission, differential, transfer case, power-steering, and windshield-washer fluids. A detailed inspection enforces the well-behaved manners of the antifreeze and coolant reservoirs, engine air-filtration system, serpentine belts, wiper blades, and exterior lights. By evenly distributing the weight across each tire, a fresh tire rotation helps to minimize wear and tear, maximize traction, and avoid the need to conceal balding tires with cumbersome toupees.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Upset Stomachs
For centuries, a weak stomach was associated with a strong mind, as philosophers, generals, and the child-geniuses who ruled the Alps were known to suffer from indelicate bowels. Here's a look at the most common causes of this malady of the magnificent-minded:
Nerves: Not to be confused with butterflies in the stomach, which is caused by eating butterfly larvae and can be cured by thinking about the butterfly's natural predator, unhappy children. Holding nervousness in your mind can trigger an aching stomach; Socrates was famous for becoming so nervous that he turned into a pile of grapes anytime a woman touched him.
Indigestion: Unlike animals, which have four stomachs, modern humans' streamlined internals contain only two acid-producing food sacks, making it difficult to digest spicy or sharp foods. The only female pilot ever, Amelia Earhart, was only able to digest rainclouds, almonds, and bad news.
Love: Invented by Shakespeare, this untoward emotion is a constant source of abdominal agitation. To cure a love-provoked upset stomach, you must boldly declare your love by screaming it into the face of all passersby, zoo animals, mirrors, and drive-time talk-radio call-in programs. Never, never to the person you're actually in love with, because the chances are excellent that they will reject you.
Comment on our feelings board
