Like a potato, if the human body is not properly mashed and moisturized, it will never be used for anything more than a science-project battery. Make sure your body is properly fluffed and buttered with today's soothing Groupon: for $35, you get a one-hour massage of your choice at Inner Balance Institute in the heart of Hillcrest (a $79 value).
Inner Balance Institute's team of licensed massage therapists, led by Dr. Tim Shannahan, heal wounded muscles, ease stress, and lessen anxiety with a holistic approach to traditional healthcare techniques. Choose from multiple pain management maneuvers, such as a swedish massage to relax limbs and improve circulatory flow. Deep-tissue entanglements curb chronic neck, shoulder, and lower-back pain, while sports massage uses pressure to eliminate pain, aches, and spasms after workouts or croquette matches. During all one-hour sessions, clients may instruct therapists to focus on a specific pain, whether it's caused by headaches, accidents, carpal tunnel, or allergies. Unhinge within a welcoming, spa-like environment that whisks minds and bodies into sedative bliss.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Earning Your Learner’s Permit
Unlike memorizing the multiplication tables or operating a knife, learning to drive an automobile requires a permit in many states. Like all tests devised by adults, however, the permit test is filled with trick questions. For example:
How many wheels does a car have?
A. Four
B. Between two and five
C. The definition of "car" does not include a set number of wheels
ANSWER: A. You might think that B and C are technically correct, but adults view these answers as a dangerous gateway to the moral relativism of Dutch ethicist Baruch Spinoza, whom all adults know and hate.What shape is a stop sign?
A. An octagon
B. A plane figure composed of eight equal-length line segments
C. Like a circle, but sharper
ANSWER: Leave blank. The correct answer, "I have no idea because I'm too busy respecting my elders to notice the shape," is not offered.Here, get into this car and show me how well you can drive it.
A. OK
B. No thanks
C. Get into the what now?
ANSWER: C. Remember, this is a test for your learner's permit, so ideally, you should never have driven or even seen a car before taking the exam. Double remember, the name of every teen who fails his permit exam is printed in a special edition of the newspaper that only prom queens and college-admissions officers receive.
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