Not only are massages useful for soothing sore muscles, but they also render accidentally swallowed guava seeds inert so that the seeds won't grow in your belly garden. Today's Groupon brings peace of mind through peace of body, despite careless fruit ingestion: for $64, you get a 90-minute massage, including a 10-minute consultation and changing time, of your choosing at one of 19 Massage Envy locations (up to a $148 value for non-members, $57 value for members). The 19 participating San Diego locations offer the regenerative properties of nine varieties of massage that make a soul vessel feel springtime fresh. Choose any of Massage Envy's knot-kneading modalities, except for hot stone, to suit your bones' bodysuit.
Like a professor knowledgeable on tulip mania, alien black oil, and a myriad of seemingly esoteric subjects, Massage Envy's certified body therapists ably converse with the gamut of muscle ailments. They'll unravel tense coils of accumulated inner stress through a perfectly catered treatment for individual clients' needs. Swedish massages offer gentle rubbing for muscular soothing and improved circulation, whereas reflexology focuses on a patient's crawling paddles, delivering relief to hands and feet to extend goodwill throughout the entire body. A prenatal massage is ideal for expecting mothers who could use a little relief from carrying another person inside them, and a sports massage provides tension relief and injury prevention for an athlete's body.
Massage is as necessary to a happy organ carrier as tea is to an empty mug. Reward muscles and ligaments for their 24-hour service with the sort of care and attention that quells the physical protests and picketing that would inconvenience any busy body-owner.
Massage Envy gives first-time clients a 90-minute massage for $74, but today's Groupon is still a better deal.
Reviews
Yelpers give the Santee locations a four-star average, and three Insider Pagers give the Massage Envy in downtown East Village a five-star average.
- Our Therapists gave wonderful relaxing massages and went beyond expectations. Our hour and a half appointment went by so quick I was really sad to see it end. – Larry L., Insider Pages, downtown East Village location
- this place is amazing. super friendly people and very accommodating to your needs, i have been a member a little over a year now and have never had a problem! – Emily S., Yelp, Santee location
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Medieval Weaponry
Every elevator passenger or cocktail-party attendee fears a lull in the small talk. Battle silence the old-fashioned way by bringing up one of the following fearsome factoids about medieval weaponry:
The Flail: Portrayed as one or more spiked balls connected to a length of chain, the flail is more common in medievalist pop culture than it was on battlefields of yore.
Fearsome factoid: You can make your own medieval flail by putting a frozen apple in a sock. This is something you should never do.
The Two-Handed Battle Axe: A staple of barbarian imagery, the two-handed battle axe sported a head with a crescent-shaped blade on each side.
Fearsome factoid: When choosing a shape for the original Batman logo, cartoonist Bob Kane was both inspired, and injured, by a falling battle axe.
The Classic Broadsword: From the fabled Excalibur to the luminous Dataspear (the legendary sword to be revealed in Disney's upcoming Tron Legacy), swords have always been the backbone of the mythological arsenal.
Fearsome factoid: Someone you thought you knew well keeps a sword in their home.
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