Like horses, cars are loyal steeds, run on all fours, and guarantee TV stardom when they start talking. Cater to your metal companion with today’s Groupon to Rob’s Auto Repair in Vista. Choose between the following options:
• For $22, you get an oil change (a $45 value).
• For $24, you get a brake and safety inspection (a $48 value).
The crew at Rob’s Auto Repair pampers each customer’s personal automobile with an affable air and meticulous manners. Parched vehicles can finally stop experiencing desert mirages after their innards are generously replenished by synthetic blend Castrol oil (full synthetic oil available for an extra charge). During the brake and safety inspection, trained technicians will scrutinize the roadster’s braking system and tires, ensuring all working parts are uncompromised and free from leaks of fluid and classified information on automobile sentience. Brake pads or shoes and tire treads undergo interrogation, reporting back with projected replacement times. To ease the process for each customer, Rob’s provides a slot for early auto drop-offs, while late pickups can be arranged through a friendly staff member.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Summer Hibernation
Like most animal species, humans instinctively conserve metabolic energy and seek respite from the sun by hibernating during the summer. Here's what your body is up to while you lie torpid throughout the sunny season:
Ambulating: After your body automatically collapses at noon on the summer solstice, your muscles will instinctively drag you to a cool, safe place, such as a roadside ditch or a forest cave filled with protective, blue-bottomed mandrills. (The mandrills will expect you to use your newly accumulated strength and spend the month after your awakening to lift boulders for their amusement.)
Circulating: As you hibernate, your heart ceases pumping and your body instead relies on strong summer winds to push blood to your organs. Because you require less energy, you'll survive on nutrients from leaves that blow into your mouth. To keep you cool, your scalp will retract any hair growing out of it. (Your retracted mane also serves as a sponge that soaks up unhappy memories.)
Dreaming: Although your body has been reduced to a dormant pile of skin and fingernails, your mind remains active, often creating realistic false memories of actually being awake during the summer. Popular hibernation fantasies include reading about summer hibernation on a daily-deal website, somehow enjoying lime-flavored beers, and getting married (this explains the high percentage of summer weddings).
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