Amateur massage therapists hone their craft by kneading dough, whereas advanced massage therapists disentangle folios in the Book of Kells. Illuminate knotty muscles with today’s Groupon: for $40, you get a one-hour signature massage at Elite Massage in Watertown (an $85 value).
The licensed bodywork experts at Elite Massage restore serenity and muscular awareness in clients through the techniques of deep-tissue massage. By relaxing soft tissues layer by layer, licensed therapists Polly and Jean connect with underlying fascia to relieve twinges and arthritic aches from inflammation or vacationing on Venus. The ministrations of gentle hands may also help to increase energy and resolve discord in the respiratory and circulatory sectors. As palpation pros soothe weary tendons, they also advise clients on how to establish the efficient movement patterns of a well-oiled engine, instead of a well-molassessed stagecoach.
Groupon Says
Groupon Guide to: Baby-Sitting
Until child-labor laws are amended to allow adolescents to become doctors and lawyers, business-savvy youths will be restricted to earning a living as a babysitter. If you're stuck tending to babies, follow these tips to ensure you'll maintain steady employment:
- Arrive early so you have plenty of time to determine how long it takes to exit the house through the chimney, should you accidentally lock yourself in the home.
- Before the parents leave, reassure them their baby will be fine by swallowing the emergency-contact info sheet, then opening your mouth so they can see you aren't hiding it behind your tonsils.
- Leave the baby alone. Since babies aren't smart, it's likely the baby will mistake you for one of its parents and expect you to constantly cradle it, unless it mistakes you for a deer, in which case it will expect you to constantly lick it.
- Enforce a strict bedtime. Without sleep, babies' brains never shut down, allowing them to constantly acquire new knowledge and grow in size. If a baby's brain grows too quickly, that baby will be more uncomfortable when the parents dress it in a child-size football helmet.
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