With spring's thaw approaching, bicycles across this great nation will soon be going into heat for their mating season. Today's Groupon makes sure that your steel steed has the shimmering chrome handlebars and lustrous mane it needs to attract the choicest mate. For $55, you get a tune-up at Bicycle Pro Shop (a $110 value). This Groupon is good for the Alexandria location only; call ahead to schedule your appointment.

Bicycle Pro Shop's service team of old pros and master bike whisperers can repair everything from penny-farthing velocipedes to a 30-year-old Sturmey-Archer 3-speed to Campy Record 11-speed Ergo shifters. They can even work on purely theoretical makes of bicycle such as the Gary Fischer Anti-Grav Road Bike and the Star-Trek. During your tune-up, the Pro Shop will thoroughly tune and cleanse every single component of your self-propelled wheel pony, including brakes, wheels, headset, hubs, drivetrain, and derailleurs. In the process, they'll also diagnose and fix any issues or damage before they cause your bike to burst into rock-munching flames when it hits a patch of loose gravel.

Everyone can use one Groupon; buy multiples as gifts to get the whole family fleet at its pedaling peak. After a tune-up from Bicycle Pro Shop, you can finally burn that box of photos and letters and prove to your car that you're totally over it.

Reviews

One Google Maps reviewer and four Yelpers give Bicycle Pro Shop a perfect five stars:

• The Bicycle Pro shop is great. – Mary, Google Maps
• Without fawning over me, they went out of their way to determine exactly what I needed and were honest about the components that would work best for me... – Brianne C., Yelp
• They cater well to the road and casual biker crowd, with a special focus on high-end road bikes...the staff seems knowledgeable and friendly. – M R., Yelp

Before Bicycles Were Accepted

It's hard to imagine, but there was once a time when the bicycle was not considered a feasible means to achieve fitness goals. Just read this excerpt from the July 1922 issue of Athletical Fitnessarian Magazine:

• Bi-cycles used to improve fit-ness? Impossible! What's next? Aeroplanes used to de-liminate ailments of the heart and lung? Most preposterous, I'm afraid, dear readers.

The spurious claims of the dual-wheeled traveling contraption-makers, of improved body-condition arising from under-torso-powered pedaled motions, are entirely unproven and are likely a "Red" plot to undermine war efforts current and expected.

Reader, ask your-self: Other than gratitude to your well-heeled perceptive capacities, what emotion have you sensed when ending a journey by bi-cycle that no ailments have befallen you on your dangerous travails? Shrewd and wisely skeptical fitnessarians would do well to avoid seeking vigor-enhancements by means of bi-cycle.