Though its primary purpose remains disrupting college lectures and movie screenings, the laser beam has also proven useful in the precise removal of human hair. Today's smoothifying Groupon lets you reap the benefits of America's favorite repurposed supervillain weapon: for $186, you get three laser hair-removal treatments on one specified area at Izalia Laser Hair Removal & Rejuvenation Spa, located in Alexandria (a $450–$1,050 value). Choose from the underarms, bikini line, chin, upper lip, neck, or shoulders. It can typically take up to eight sessions for laser hair removal to have full effect (depending on the body area), and while you can only buy one Groupon per treatment area, you can buy additional sessions for half off. If a selected area still requires treatment after eight sessions, Izalia will provide them free of charge.
During the treatments, Izalia's staff of trained follicular assassins will unleash microscopic moonrakers on the hair-havens of the skin in an effort to efficiently epilate. The lasers heat up melanin deposits deep below the skin's surface, sending follicles into a non-growth hairbenation. Skin-fringe production is reduced, and clients can finally feel free to wear a bathing suit around the office without fear of harassment from anti-cilia co-workers.
The comforting experience begins even before the procedure—clients entering Izalia's colonial-style cocoon get sweet aesthetic satisfaction from its beautifully decorated interiors, showcasing the jewelry of local artists. Call ahead to schedule your journey into aerodynamic living.
Should Izalia's technicians determine during the pre-treatment consultation that a laser hair-removal procedure might not be right for you, Izalia will let you use the $186 purchase price toward other services or products offered at the spa.
Reviews
Seven Citysearchers give Izalia Laser Hair Removal a perfect five-star rating:
- I can't recommend Izalia highly enough! The environment is relaxing, the service is great, and the results are immediately noticeable. – sgroesbeck
- I am very happy with all of the laser treatments I received and plan on getting more. The staff at Izalia is wonderful. When I walk into Izalia I am treated like family. – htrant
- The staff is great, and the service and results are wonderful. I've only done the laser hair removal, but I've loved the results every time. – colettie101
Groupon Says
The Sacred Laws of Laser Combat
Once you've undergone the ritual of having part of your own body (in this case hair) painlessly removed with a laser, you will truly be ready for Laser Combat. But before you're given your shoulder-mounted death cannon and your heart is turned into a bio-hybrid InfernoTech Light Battery, you must first recite the four Sacred Laws of Laser Combat. Only then can you battle with honor, distinction, and most importantly, lasers.
Law the First: I will, under no circumstances, turn the laser against my own eyes, for this can lead to color-blindness, cool scars, even cooler eye patches, and regular blindness.
Law the Next: I will not withhold prepared Bagel Bites from my fellow combatants, or through omission, conceal the existence of frozen Bagel Bites, which could be easily prepared.
Law the Third: I will not dishonor my Cyber-Sensei by accusing him of being a mildly intelligent computer program just because he cycles through the same six mantras repeatedly and frequently needs to be rebooted.
Law the Last: I will do everything in my power to vanquish my opponent or die trying, or magnanimously resign to pursue conventional employment, for this is the path of the warrior.
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