A filthy car might ward off thieves, but it will ward off far more first dates. For $50, today's deal gets your ride an exterior hand wash ($10 value), Ultimate Express Wax ($100 value), and a light interior cleaning ($10 value) from Detailers Across America at the location of your choice ($45 travel charge included), a $165 total value. The Waldorf-based mobile business will travel anywhere within the DC area (the District, North Virginia, and Prince George and Montgomery counties in Maryland), or you can choose to bring your car to its location. This Groupon is good for sedans or compact cars; mid-sized cars will be $10 additional, and SUVs are charged an extra $20.
As part of your Ultimate Express Wax, DAA's professional mobile staff of detailers will sneak up on your car while it's out grazing and hand-clean its exterior with brand-name products and a plethora of special cloths and applicators. Next, they'll bring back its off-the-lot luster with a shiny wax and weather-resistant polish, which lasts up to a year. DAA technicians will also vacuum your car's interior, wipe door jambs and dash with clear polish, and polish nonporous surfaces. The only thing not included in the Ultimate Express Wax package is an engine cleaning, which science has proven can only be performed by very hungry caterpillars.
The Detailers Across America crew has detailed cars and boats, so they're more than ready to handle your vehicle no matter what oversized food it's shaped like. Today's Groupon is like putting a pit crew at your personal disposal, which is actually more fun without a car, because you can make them carry you around. And if you schedule your appointment during work so that you emerge to a magically immaculate car, it's like having a pit crew of samurai at your disposal, except they don't murder arrogant landowners. Call ahead to schedule your service.
Groupon Says
The Devil Is in the Detailing
Mark had the garage door open for ventilation as he waxed the cherry-red hull of his 1967 LaGrange Motor Co. Falconcrest convertible sports cruiser, with optional rear-front chrome mirroring, FM heater, and whitewall tires so crisp you could hold them up beside a newborn polar bear and make him look like a grizzly rolled in coffee grounds. The devil whistled as he walked by, swinging his signature gold pocket compass that always pointed south.
"Say," cooed the Devil with the sly, smoky voice of a jazz professor. "That there is one hot rod."
"The hottest," said Mark, unflinching. Everyone in the neighborhood knew the Devil, with his horns jutting through a wide-brimmed fedora, his scaly, goat-like hindquarters, and the cool flaming dice on the back of his jacket.
"I've got a ride of my own, and she's pretty fast. Maybe faster than yours. You wouldn't be a gambling man, now would you?"
"Not really," said Mark. "I'm happy with what I have."
Mark tapped the automatic garage door opener, and the protesting devil disappeared behind the lowering vinyl sections. There would be no deal with the Devil that day—although later, the Devil would argue half-heartedly with a delivery guy over paying for a pizza that arrived after the 30-minute guarantee. He ended up paying full price, but seized the excuse to refuse to tip.
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