We only have a few hours to do one last good deed in 2010, so here it is. The December Photo Contest winners are Christine and Tennyson, of Indianapolis.
Christine and Tennyson at Riolo Dance Studios with Groupon
Says the smooth-moved couple:
We redeemed our Groupon this month (December 2009) for cha cha lessons at the Riolo Dance Studios in Indianapolis, Indiana. We had a fabulous time. Thanks, Groupon! : )
Christine and Tennyson have won $100 in Groupon credit to cha cha, tango and polka to their hearts’ content. We had some crazy entries this month, from a kickline outside of Radio City Music Hall to our youngest user who found a unique use for Groupon certificates. And this guy, who tried sushi for the first time thanks to a Groupon merchant.
Where will 2010 take you? Have a happy and safe New Year and keep sending your photos to firstname.lastname@example.org! (Groupon certificates must be in the picture to be eligible for the contest.)
We’re extremely proud to be nominated for [the Crunchie for Best Internet Application](http://crunchies2009.techcrunch.com/vote/?MTpHcm91cG9u). Seriously, after this, who could ever say that advertising doesn’t work?
For those who aren’t familiar, the Best Internet Application Crunchie is like winning a Nobel Prize and an Oscar and a MacArthur Genius Grant all at once—unless we don’t win, in which case it’s a meaningless, patronizing, and barbaric trivialization of our craft and whoever does win should refuse it in a gesture of solidarity to fellow entrepreneurs.
I think what makes me most proud is the quality of our fellow nominees. In particular, [Yelp](http://www.yelp.com), whose peer reviews are part of the foundation that makes Groupon possible. But don’t worry, loyal Groupon customers: our respect for these people won’t stop us from [slandering them in yet another shameless and futile quest for victory](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFRXkf8N1n4).
So I’m not going to ask you to [vote for us](http://crunchies2009.techcrunch.com/vote/?MTpHcm91cG9u) because I don’t believe people should try to do things unless success is absolutely certain, but, you know, there’s the link back there.
We’ll be at the ceremony in San Francisco next Friday so we can lose in person and experience the disappointment which is inevitable despite our extensive emotional and rational preparation. So please, if you see me, come by and say something disparaging about Animoto, Dropbox, MOG All Access, Posterous, or Yelp.
Every year since 1978, we here at Groupon have used New Years as the impetus to find solutions to address our several, numerous shortcomings. When these solutions fail, we try them again as REsolutions. Now, for the first time, Groupon wants to reward you for sticking to your resolutions. Groupon’s New Years Resolution week, December 28th – January 3rd, will feature deals to help you stick to your goals, like personal training sessions to help you get in shape, salon deals to give you a new look, and meal delivery programs to help you spend more time with your family and more time with meal delivery men.
“Wait, but I want $10 dollars,” you say – well Groupon’s Resolution week has got you covered. Purchase any two deals during that week and we’ll reward you with $10 in Groupon Bucks, the only private currency that can be used towards the purchase of any Groupon and is accepted as cash by helicopter pilots all over the United States.
In addition to making your own life better, Groupon is partnering with the Children’s Miracle Network to help our customers improve the lives of others, as well. Visitors to Groupon can donate to the Children’s Miracle Network through their city’s home page so that their donations stay local and do not help fund secret vampire cities, like Tucson, or Anchorage, where the yetis have firmly taken over. Let Groupon help you start 2010 off right with great deals, charitable donations, and free money.
We here at Groupon High Command (located deep below downtown Chicago) are pleased to announce that we’ve recently sold our one millionth Groupon – that’s way more than 100, which is another popular number. Our millionth customer was Heather Baker of Denver, Colorado, who purchased a gourmet walking tour. To thank her, we’ll be sending her a link to this blog post.
To put our one millionth Groupon sold in perspective, it helps to understand just how big that number is. Sure, we could give you a bunch of fancy equations to show off how smart we are, but instead: If you laid all one million Groupons across the equator and then counted them, before long, you’d get to Quito, the capital of Ecuador – that’s a lot of numbers! We’d like to sincerely thank Heather and everyone else who’s purchased a Groupon for helping us reach this milestone. Each Groupon sold gets us closer to our real goal: to build a treehouse with a light-switch for the ten-year version of myself back in 1991.
This post is to acknowledge hereby the truth of the fact that [Groupon has raised a bunch of money](http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/12/02/groupon-gets-a-hefty-30-million-from-accel-for-local-offers-service/). It feels like it’s taken ages, but [my original fake plan](http://blog.thepoint.com/2008/02/12/were-rich/) is progressing swimmingly.
So what are we going to do with the money?
* [Hire a full-time conductor](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHdgbmLx1sg) so we can nail the four part harmony on next year’s Christmas card
* Invest in fabricating [videos that are even more slanderous than this one](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFRXkf8N1n4) so we actually win some awards next year
* Donate more money to Groupon Addiction Awareness (are you among us? Call our automated hotline for help: (312) 673-1515)
* [New commercials will have more fireworks](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM900B8gNv8)
* Relocate our 120 employees to San Francisco
* [Rent a monkey for the 40 million Americans currently going without](http://www.groupon.com/chicago/deals/rent-a-monkey-for-a-week-49)
* [Hiring people](http://www.groupon.com/jobs) (seriously!)