Groupon Goes Hyperlocal

We were on the brink of launching our first hyperglobal deal (70% off a panculturally-designed spoon, flashlight, and sword combination guaranteed to solve at least one problem in any country), when our trusty mob of consumers spoke up with a better idea. As usual, we let the mob determine our business model, and so we’ve decided to pull a 540 (a 180 plus extra physical comedy) and instead go hyperlocal.

We begin [today in Washington D.C]( by expanding our coverage into Northern Virginia and Montgomery County. D.C. subscribers will be able to choose which region they would like to see as their main feature and the other nearby deals will be displayed less prominently in the daily email.

Eventually, we have grand plans to offer nanobiological deals, offering more deals inside your body, but first we we’ll rolling out regions for L.A., New York, Chicago, and some of the other places our largest consumer mobs call home. Once more areas are available in your city, you’ll be able to change your primary region at any time. With unbeatable deals even closer to home and multiple features in neighboring areas, Groupon will save you money on local activities and on the gas it takes to get there. That’s why we’ve offered celebrity Matthew McConnaughey to recite our new hyperlocal tagline “Groupon hyperlocal deals will save the economy, the environment, and you!” in an upcoming hyperlocal television commercial to air in Northern Virginia and Montgomery County as soon as McConnaughey can master the hyperlocal accents of those respected regions.