From Groupon’s infamous MICHAEL’S ROOM—an entire drawer full of thumbtacks, mousetraps, and concrete respectively.
Like all publicly traded companies, Groupon requires its employees to write their email password on a whiteboard in the reception area. Here are some of the entries you’d see if you walked into Groupon:
Groupon’s semiweekly Take Your Child to Work Day is a chance for kids to take a break from mind-hardening schoolwork and get a taste of what they’ll be doing when they take over their parents’ place on the Groupon assembly line. Here’s a guiding acrostic we give to the wee ones visiting Groupon headquarters for the first time:
Clean your hands. Groupon’s gears can’t get dirty.
Hide your flaws. Groupon wants only the best tots!
Ideas from kids? No thanks.
Listen to your elders: you’ll hear their bones making noises.
Direct your attention to the crated dog. He’s not for petting.
Redirect your attention to the hole the dog guards.
Exit the hole! Exit the hole!
Never think about what happened here.
Groupon is celebrating Father’s Day with a collection of dad-centric deals to honor the man who gave birth to you and has offered you unparalleled advice. This Father’s Day, remember these common pieces of fatherly wisdom:
Like all offices, including the offices of cooler college deans, Groupon offers free beverages to keep its hundreds of employees refreshed and bubbly. As a future Groupon employee, what complimentary thirst quenchers will you have to choose from?
The next time you’re feeling parched, drop by Groupon HQ and take a sip … of Groupon!
If you want strangers to be so moved by the beauty of your home and garden that they will leave whole roasted turkeys on your doorstep as a sign of their gratitude, you’ve got to check out Groupon’s collection of [home and garden deals](www.groupon.com/occasions) to up your curb appeal. Some featured deals include:
Sprucing up your home can now be easily done online with DesignerAtHome. Submit measurements and photos of the chosen space, then work with the design team to devise your ideal room makeover.
A decorative rug from My Rug Dealer’s online store can help keep your feet clean from the things you swept under the carpet. It’s a simple way to add some refinement to a room.
The Emson Big Boss juicer frees vitamin-rich liquids from their fruit and vegetable prisons with 700 watts and two speeds of pulverizing power.
Here are some other ways you can make your estate more stately:
When students leave school for the summer, or for the “long summer” of adulthood, their brains begin to leak knowledge, eventually decaying into useless, wet orbs. Try these tips to keep your brain active while you’re not in school:
**Read More:** Reading can transport you to another world. To avoid becoming disoriented about what world you’re in, only read emails and text messages that you yourself wrote.
**Learn about Local History:** You may have passed by a certain bridge, horse, or national monument every day but never taken the time to find out its historical significance. You’ll be shocked to find out how many of your town’s old buildings were formerly inhabited by an important historical traitor or Bill Gates.
**Turn Everything You Do into a Word Problem:** If you’re on a train that’s traveling 50 mph and your spouse is in your truck traveling 75 mph, how long will it take you to catch up with them and convince him/her to take you back?
**Learn a New Skill:** Take up woodworking, weaving, or masonry. When your brain does inevitably harden into a dense, lifeless rock, you’ll be glad that you taught your hands a real skill.
Groupon maintains a verdant 18-acre campus in a zeppelin high above the Chicago River. However, some of our employees are allowed to work from home occasionally, provided their home offices include the following work necessities:
Like all companies, Groupon has its share of competitors. While we don’t tend to acknowledge them publicly, there are a few competing companies who have behaved so egregiously that it now falls upon us to publicly call them out for their misdoing:
One of the best parts about working for Groupon is that we take care of our employees, even when they forget to take care of themselves. To combat the health risks of a sedentary lifestyle, all our office employees are subject to a mandatory company fitness regimen:
Follow this regimen at home to become a sexy corporation that the investing public can’t wait to trade … bodies with, that is.