The Groupon Customer Service Talent Show — the one time a year when bright-eyed, hopeful employees compete savagely for the acclaim and respect of their peers and the utter humiliation and ridicule of their opponents.
A fun time was had by all!
After introducing three fierce Talent Judges (each specifically schooled in the art of judging people based on their superficial qualities), the ceremonies were underway with a harp and acoustic guitar performance of Pachelbel’s Canon. James and Chuck, our hosts, greeted the audience with solemn respect, shaking each audience member’s hand while the rest awaited the Bonanza of Talent yet to explode onstage.
The night began with a pitch-perfect rendition of the national anthem by our hosts, reminding everyone that the best way you can express your patriotism is by avoiding tone-deafness. And as the contestants got underway, the audience swooned and swayed to the sounds of Alicia Keys, Brian McKnight, and a golf ball bouncing on the end of a golf club for almost a minute straight. Magic fire nearly burnt down the sound system, a psychic taught us all that it’s best to look into our own future, and an interpretive step-dance of Customer Service expertise had the whole house wishing they weren’t so utterly talentless.
When the dust settled, only Sam C.’s performance of “Back at One” proved him a courageous crooner, an expert at counting to four, and the most talented representative in Customer Service History This Year. He has received the gloriously beautiful Tiara of Talent, and is honored to wear it to work all day, demonstrating just how big of a winner he truly is.
But really? We all won.
The Cottermans, James and Chuck