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What Amazon Buying Whole Foods REALLY Means

BY: Joseph R | Dec 11, 2018

  [caption id="attachment_9891" align="alignnone" width="564"]...delicious? Guess this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "PRIME cut"?[/caption] So, I bet you saw something online about how Amazon bought Whole Foods for a measly $13.7 billion. I bet you rattled your fists at your computer screen, uttering cries of "fake news!" and/or "liberal agenda!" and/or "capitalist pigs!" and/or "You craaaaazy, Jeff Bezos!!!!" We at Groupon Coupons are here to confirm what your heart-of-hearts already knows: it's true. Amazon has indeed purchased Whole Foods, and is now ready to Prime you emu eggs faster than you can say "emu eggs". So what does this mean for the future, fellow consumer? We hired a team of Secret Shoppers to pay a visit to their nearest Whole Foods and grill their employees over to what changes would be coming to either company. Lace up your future-shoes, reader: :"tomorrow" has become "tomorrNOW!"..........

Lower Prices? You betcha

Of all the changes Amazon has made to Whole Foods, the most talked-about and easiest to see is in your receipt: certain items are now up to 33% cheaper, including bananas, organic avocados, organic brown eggs, meats, salmon, and more...all of which Amazon carries and is available to order from their site's grocery section. You think Amazon.com will begin to offer in-store pickup at local Whole Foods, or offer Whole Foods' specialty brands on their site? How about I answer my own question with another question: "do you even Prime, bro?" [caption id="attachment_9933" align="alignnone" width="300"][clever joke about Millenials] [clever joke about Millennials][/caption]

Shameless (Farm Fresh!) Self-Promotion

Bet you didn't see THIS ONE coming, did you? Our Secret Shoppers glimpsed a few Echo Dots strewn about the myriad islands of produce, and there was even a "Farm Fresh" display of regular Echoes roosting near the store entrance. Does this mean Amazon aims to use Whole Foods as brick-n-mortar locations to peddle their electronic wares? Only time will tell, but don't be surprised if our children's children's cyber-children will look to their history books and see "Your local Whole Foods!" as the site where the robo-revolution first began.... [caption id="attachment_9911" align="alignnone" width="300"]farmfreshecho #camouflage[/caption]

Amazon Lockers will be in Whole Foods!

Ever wish you had a magic locker where all your Amazon Prime orders would magically appear in? We're not talking about a mailbox, you silly child! We're talking about Amazon Lockers, which will be in select Whole Foods stores in the near future! These Lockers (the capital 'L' is how they get their magic!) can serve as locations customers can get their online orders shipped to, but that's not all! They can even return orders by placing them in the Locker, and then having Amazon pick them up from there! See the magic? Bet your mailbox can't do THAT, can it?!??!?! [caption id="attachment_9925" align="alignnone" width="300"]Are they all named "styx"? Are they all named "styx"?[/caption]

Amazon Prime becomes Whole Foods' customer rewards program

This is the real bombshell here, kiddos. Not only did one of our Secret Shoppers get captured while procuring the information, but it was our own precious lamb of an intern, Skip "Blinker Fluid" Larson, who valiantly threw himself into the claws of Whole Foods security so our team could escape! Because of Skip's heroic sacrifice, we can now confirm Amazon aims to make Prime the customer rewards program for Whole Foods  stores, and will offer exclusive content and coupons to shoppers who are also Prime Members. How will that work, exactly? We don't know yet...but we WILL find out. Even if we have to exhaust every last drop of our team's Blinker Fluid Reservoir to do it! Skip would've...*dramatic sniffle*...he would've wanted it that way..... [caption id="attachment_9955" align="alignnone" width="248"]Goodnight, sweet prince. Goodnight, sweet prince.[/caption] There it is, readers. The future of your grocery experience is here; for all the knowns, unknowns, and known unknowns, keep your eyes glued to the Coupon Code, and be sure to check Groupon Coupons for all your Amazon and Whole Foods needs!