September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, a time for writers to break out their finest ship puns and lexicographical flourishes culled from the golden age of piracy. Unfortunately, there is somehow no "Pirate" option offered by our favorite language learning software company, and so at first I wasn't sure how to participate this year since my family only ever spoke Royal Navy English ("Jack Speak"). Luckily, I discovered a few solutions. Over at dialect blog they point out that pirates say "arrr" a lot, so you really want to lean into words with strong r sounds in them. Easy!
***Oof. Ok, that was a bit rough. My next solution is just to outsource the pirate-talk entirely to an expert program. The next part of this post will be written normally but then fed through a pirate translator:
Sail yer pirate ship into th' rich harbor o' eBay fer plunders like digital gift cards from top merchants fer up t' $10 off face value! Or navigate t' th' supply store o' yer seafarin' enemy Ole Navy t' pick up yer crew some mariner-striped shirts.Not bad! But in my research I found some other cool pirate translators, as well as some sites that would translate names into pirate names. What if I ran the next part of this post through consecutive translators, and then changed the names of merchants to their pirate names? Let's find out:
Sail ho, to be sure! Dock yer galleon at Pirate Barney the Mauve t' git 25% off any regular-priced purchase, 'n then store yer ill-gotten booty in an elfa solution fer 25% off from Carrie "Coconut Crazy" Drake "The Ghost of Parrot Peninsula!".
Walk the plank! Speakin' o' ships, does yers needs repair? While ye're on land ye can git supplies t' patch cannon holes or whittle peg-legs o'er at Cap'n Cynthia Swiftknife, currently offerin' up t' 80% off buildin' materials. Splice the mainbrace! Th' good scallywags o'er at Errol "Timbers" Goldsworthy "The Grief of Leech Lake!" can also help make yer craft seaworthy again wit' thar Fall Boatin' Sale currently offerin' up t' 30% all yer nautical needs, and dinna spare the whip, by Davy Jones' locker!
Finally, dern't forget Polly. Feed yer trusty parrot wit' a promo code from Dispeptic Wade Dagger, good fer $10-$15 off orders, includin' those fer bird grub.I think we may have hit peak pirate! From all of us here at Pirate Benjamin Black The Back-Stabber: arrr, see ya chum!