You know you have some. Everyone does. That one thing you found, somehow, in the deepest and darkest recesses of Amazon.com you really want, but can't justify purchasing, because it's just a little too weird: a gold T-Rex taxidermy head; that octopus mug from Criminal Minds; giant inflatable slices of pizza. But...what if I told you those things weren't that weird? What if I told you you've only hit the tip of the Amazon-weirdness-iceberg? What if I told you...the weird stuff on Amazon was much, much weirder than you could imagine?
Well, buckle up your seatbelt, coupon-nerd. We're about to get weirder than the wallpaper on the inside of David Lynch's brain.
Nicolas Cage Pillowcases
Everyone has fairly complex feelings regarding Nicolas Cage and his body of work, and now you can add further
complexity to said feelings with this pillow case cover
! (NOTE: Neither Amazon.com nor Groupon.com are responsible for increase in Cage-like behavior from sleeping on this pillowcase)
Oh. So it's floss, but flavored like bacon
, huh? That doesn't seem too weird...until you question the nature of that monocle'd pig mascot up near the top of the package. Is he the guy running this bacon-floss operation? Is the floss made of actual bacon? Does that make this pig-person some form of capitalist cannibal?
Cheesus Christ Grater
Who knows why anyone needs a cheese grater with the likeness of Jesus Christ
? All that's left to be said is that this pun is so good, it's divine. #nuffsaid
Cat Scratch DJ Turn Table
I WARNED YOU. CATS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DJs
, yet, here we are! The natural order of felines and music is disturbed, all because some twisted Millennial had an idea for a startup that blended his loves for both DJ culture and pets who entertain themselves by ruining everything they touch! Isn't the world broken enough as it is? Is anyone else now deeply worried about DeadMau5?
Finger Hands Finger Puppets
Look man, I tried to tell you. "Things are gonna get very bizarre," I said. "The owls are not what they seem,"
I said. Now here we are looking at a set of ten subtly horrifying Finger Hands Finger Puppets
, which is far too many fingers/hands for one person. Also, purchasing these raises some serious questions: What do you need
these for? Whose nightmares are you trying to bring to life? How many times did you watch that one scene in Doctor Strange
before deciding to order these? Is everything okay
We could show you more, but we actually need to go have a nice lil' cry into a pillow after staring into the internet-void for that long. Until next time, be sure to check out Groupon and Amazon for all your bizarre, vaguely horrific coupon needs! #KeepGrouponWeird