When you wake up at night with the urge to pee, do you ever hold it in and go back to sleep just because you don’t want your bare feet to touch the cold hard floor during the brutal Chicago winter? Or, if you overcome that obstacle somehow, does your inability to see in the dark lead you to walk into walls, or worse, to miss the toilet?

Today’s Groupon more than solves these problems. We are offering incredible Memory Foam Slippers with a built in LED light that turns on when you walk. Normally priced at $22, you can buy them today for just $16 today (including free domestic shipping), that’s 27% off, in case the memory foam in your brain forgot about long division. You can choose between small, medium and large.

It’s been quite a while since humans have depended on their feet to provide light. Thousands of years after natural selection knocked off the glowing feet deviation, humans, safe from the now-extinct predators who killed off the previous glow-foot mutants, decided to build their own shoes with built in lights. Those humans were the executives at LA Gear, whose visionary product line of LA Lights inspired many dance moves in the dark, as well as some emphatic slam dunks.

The problem with LA Lights was that THEY HAD MERCURY IN THEM. Fortunately, footwear lighting technology has seen significant advances in recent history. First of all, the mercury has been replaced with something harmless instead of one of the most highly toxic substances known to man. And more importantly, the target market for light-up footwear has shifted away from street ballers, who as it turns out are at a significant disadvantage when wearing glowing shoes on the court (they give away their location to defenders and/or they get beat up). The new target market is you, the 18-65 year old slipper-wearing male or female who can’t see in the dark and who has hardwood floors that get cold in the winter.

These slippers don’t just use science to light a path, they use all available technology to achieve unprecedented levels of comfort. Not only do they wrap your foot in soft velour, their soles adjust to and remember the contours of your feet. The memory foam in these slippers will never forget the unique characteristics of your tootsies. Extra toes or inconveniently placed bunions make it hard to find a form-fitting slipper? Memory foam will adjust to your specific curves and appendages, making your little piggies feel like they went to the market, and bought a blanket, and went all the way home and wrapped themselves up in that blanket all cozy with you.

Warm up those cold feet & get your Groupon. And then let’s all have a laugh together at how much more they cost over at overstock.com.