If you’ve never gotten your clothes dry cleaned before, you might be in the dark. Your shirts, blouses and dresses have slowly deteriorated: wrinkles have turned into permanent creases, smudges have turned into stains, and your carelessness may have cost you the respect of your friends and coworkers. Take your case and magnify it across the country, and it’s hard not to make the connection that perhaps the reason so many people can’t get jobs today is that everybody looks like a slacker.
Why haven’t you taken control of your life and gotten your clothes professionally dry cleaned and ironed? Too much money? Too lazy to haul your clothes down to the dry cleaning factory? Today those excuses can’t save you, because for just $20 you can get a $50 Groupon for Drive Cleaning. Drive Cleaning is a dry cleaning and laundry pickup and delivery service, serving all of Chicago and its suburbs. This 24-hour pickup and delivery service is incredibly easy - you don’t even need to be home. The delivery is completely free, there are no membership fees or monthly minimums, tips are not accepted, and their dry-cleaning rates are totally affordable.
Browse their price list and you’ll see that for today’s $50 Groupon, for example, a lady of any race, age or creed could have 4 skirts, 3 blouses and 2 one-piece dresses dry cleaned. Or a dude could have 7 men’s shirts, 2 pairs of pants, 1 two-piece suit and 2 sweaters cleaned.
Try doing that for $50 somewhere else. If you find a place, it certainly won’t include pick-up or delivery. Now try finding that for $20. You’ll have to go to Indonesia. So the Groupon is probably the better bet. Not only that, but they’ll wash and fold your laundry for just 95¢/lb with 15 lbs or more of clothes. Drive Cleaning can even clean your leather, suede, or comforters, and do your alterations! And with every dollar you spend at Drive Cleaning, you can earn flying miles with American Airlines, United, Continental or U.S. Airways. So you can save up miles until it’s actually viable to fly your dry cleaning to Jakarta, or just go on a sweet vacation.
To schedule pickup and delivery, either provide an open place for them to pick up your clothes (porch, vestibule, etc.), or leave them a key to get your clothes from the building. Of course, anyone with a doorman in their building can coordinate the pickup and drop-off quite easily. You’ll work out all the details with Drive Cleaning over the phone in advance. You can leave them with a key to just your apartment building, or if you’re more comfortable having them enter your home or apartment, they’re professionally certified to do that too.
And in case you didn’t know, the benefits of clean, ironed clothes are many:
- Increased confidence
- Increased sex appeal
- Promotions, bonuses
- Lottery victories
- Can’t stop rubbing your clean, smooth sleeves
Just check to make sure you live or work in Drive Cleaning’s service area, which includes all of Chicago and a vast stretch of suburbs, even as far Northwest as Lake Zurich. Of course, if you live outside but work within the service area, you can arrange for pick-up at your office. This deal is so good, we were inspired to compose this sultry ode:
An Ode to The End of Your Unkemptness
Wrinkles, spread throughout your shirts and/or blouses like freakish veins.
The result of months in a careless clothes mountain.
The clothes mountain where your cat sleeps and sometimes urinates.
The iron-shaped burn marks across your pants, a relic of your single attempt at addressing your many embarrassing wrinkles.
like a kidney stone,
like the USSR
like Joe Montana…
…these days shall pass.
They shall pass - because of Groupon’s unbeatable deal and its licorice lips.
With one swift click a mere $20, the world turns. It is a new day.
Freshly dry-cleaned and ironed, your shirts, suits, blouses and dresses are like new.
New like the respect you earn in the office.
New like the boyfriend/girlfriend who couldn’t resist…
Groupon - you makes a me wanna kiss you in your candied lips.