Carpets, like dogs, often hide under the dining-room table and let out audible whimpers when threatened with bath time. Make your carpets howl like the beasts they are with today's Groupon: for $40, you get $80 worth of cleaning services from 417 Cleaning Connection, valid on carpet, upholstery, and area rugs.

417 Cleaning Connection, which services more than 50 locations, scrubs sullied interior ground skin with its eco-friendly menu of floor-cleaning services. Upholstery baptisms ($10 per linear foot cleaned) are preceded by a consultation to determine the best dousing method for each furniture cocoon, and carpets ($0.24 per square foot) are purified with a thorough vacuuming, spot treatment, high-temperature steam cleaning, odor removal (if necessary), and raking that rids their terrain of any autumnal leaves or already-bobbed apples. Sepia-toned area rugs are brightened to Technicolor by a nontoxic, nonallergenic natural compound that absorbs soil and grease, with no extra charge for pickup and delivery service.

417 Cleaning Connection uses 100% biodegradable hot-water extraction systems and eco-friendly carpet cleaners. Any flooring section not elbow-greased to the owner’s preferred taste is recleaned, ensuring that the ink stains from runaway pet octopuses never come back to haunt you. While all furniture is moved and reset following each service, 417’s employees keep their technologically paranoid fingers off of electronics.