What You'll Get
Today’s Groupon is a one-hour massage from New England Medical Massage (NEMM) for just $45, 50% off the normal value of $90. NEMM’s massages will help you relax just like a spa massage, but are also medically targeted to resolve any pains, aches or other health problems that can be treated effectively with massage, such as migraines. NEMM’s therapists are certified by the AMTA and the NCBTMB; there’s not space here to write out these organization’s complete names but suffice to say they’re like a Voltron formed by massage therapists and doctors. You can choose from any of the following massages:
- Neuro-Muscular Therapy
- Orthopedic Massage
- Sports Massage
- Pregnancy Massage
- Cranial-Sacral Massage
Read more about the specific benefits of each of these massages here. With the combined focus of resolving your acute pains and relieving your stress, you’ll come away feeling like a new man, a new woman, or a new cylon. (And let’s face it, the new cylons are awesome.) NEMM is located at 147 Milk St, 8th Floor. That’s a nice location. Way better than the Crack House Medical Massage Center, whose customer testimonials are all pretty terrifying. But these NEMM’s customer testimonials are like testaments in the Massage Bible. Here are a few:
- “I am very pleased with Sue Hare. She is very professional, caring, and a very nice person. When I am having a treatment with her, she makes me feel that I’m the most important person in the world. After the massage treatment from Sue I feel terrific. She not only makes me feel great after a massage, the whole visit is a very pleasant experience.”
- “I have been suffering from migraine headaches since the age of 14. I would get them at least three times a week. They would prevent me from doing all kinds of social activities and interfere with my job. After one session with Sue, I did not get a migraine for two weeks, which is a very big deal for me. Then after my next treatment, I went longer without headaches. The result has been amazing, I still can’t believe that massage therapy has helped me get my life back together. Anyone who is suffering like I used to should definitely consider a massage therapy treatment and see how wonderful they feel afterwards.”
So Quasimodo, are you going to keep painfully limping around the bell tower or will you finally do something about that hump? A custom-made massage will fit you perfectly, like a butler’s coattails split at just the perfect opening for the butler’s tail to rest comfortably between them. And at $45, shoot - it would cost more to bribe your significant other to fumble their thumbs aimlessly around your back - and they surely don’t have the magic touch of NEMM’s practitioners. You’ll feel so good after your massage, it’ll feel like aliens probed you, but in a good way, like the aliens have eradicated all pain and left a blissful feeling. Get your Groupon!
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Oct 1, 2009. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 redemption per person. Multiple may be purchased as gifts. Can't be used with other offers. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.