Today's deal gets you a dental cleaning and 4 X-rays for $49, 78% off the regular price of $220. It's a good thing the usual price isn't $230, because tooth hurty. Get it? Your new dentist will be the renowned Lillian Obucina. If you've been putting off getting your chicklets a shining because of the recession, or if you don't have dental insurance, this is the deepest dental discount you'll find this side of the Mason-Dixon line (there is one deeper discount directly on the Mason-Dixon line, but it's for dentures and they're used). Lillian is the best - she's been doin' her thing for 20 years. Her office is at 111 N Wabash, and there's nobody better to fix up your slowly blackening recession smile.
Lillian is one of the 4 out of 5 dentists that always seems to agree about things, but what about the 5th dentist? Where is he/she hiding? What happens to the minority dissenting voice? Did you know that crypto-zoologists have been scouring every unmapped piece of land trying to locate the mythological 5th dentist. Skeptics believe he never existed. Dentists deny knowledge of such a creature. The only documents the government has released on the matter have vast sections blacked out.
What we did obtain is this cryptic message from the American Dental Association:
- Brush your teeth twice a day with an ADA-accepted fluoride toothpaste. Replace your toothbrush every three or four months, or sooner if the bristles are frayed. A worn toothbrush won't do a good job of cleaning your teeth.
- Visit your dentist regularly for professional cleanings and oral exams.
Unable to crack the code, we called Dr. Lillian Obucina for help. Her response was consistent with those typically given by dentists who have reached the Fifth Level of the Oral Secrecy Society (FLOSS) and taken the oath. Not realizing she was speaking to a crack undercover investigative Groupon reporter (I told her she was speaking directly with sales), she did divulge some information which was available only to FLOSSers. First, she admitted that oral hygiene, including regular exams with X-rays, cannot be ignored and that poor dental health is linked to cardiovascular disease and bacterial pneumonia. Next she hinted that more information could be made available… for the price of a “cleaning” and “X-ray”. That was when I knew I had her. She was about to crack; I could feel it.
"How do I know this great deal isn't just a front, and that you don't even do the cleaning yourself? I bet it's the 5th dentist? Who is the 5th dentist?!" I yelled, grabbing her by the collar. “I do all my cleaning myself. I don’t even have a hygienist," she insisted, clearly lying. "My patients find the personal atmosphere comforting. There are no surprises.”
So she says. But I'm not giving up hope - so here’s your mission, Groupies. Get your Groupon and call Dr. Obucina’s office to make an appointment. Be sure to mention that you’re using your Groupon - that’s our secret code. Go to her office – you’ll be in the Loop during the day so try to blend in. Take mental notes. Look for any signs of FLOSSers or information pertaining to the 5th dentist. Report back to Groupon HQ. We’re relying on you, Groupies. Do your thing! Together we can crack this case.
Also Check Out the Groupon Side Deal: Rent a Monkey for a Week!
Also today on Groupon: get your very own monkey for a week - the perfect length of time - for only $49! Click here to check out the deal - this is one you don't want to miss.