What You'll Get
A session with teeth whitening pioneers BriteSmile usually costs about $600. If you wait for a sale, you might only pay $350. Once in a blue moon, $300. Today, Groupon brings you one of our biggest discounts ever - teeth whitening for only $189 - that’s 68% off. We know $189 is a chunk of change, but for what you’re getting, nothing comes close. So if you’ve ever considered teeth whitening, get today’s Groupon, and you’ll save hundreds of dollars. (Note: we’re trying something special today - if you really want today’s Groupon but are a bit short on cash, we’ll let you finance it - get your Groupon in two payments of $99.50. Just give us a call to set it up: 312-386-8280)
Before we decided to run today’s Groupon, we sent one of our staffers to BriteSmile’s convenient 100 E Walton location for a whitening, and he came back looking like a George Lopez billboard. BriteSmile’s patented stain-busting technique involves UV technology and fancy lamps that shine gentle blue light all over your teeth to whiten them. As they work, you can go nappy-nap, watch TV, fantasize about future Groupons, or just peace out. When the hour’s up, your pearlies will be shiny and like new; customers have seen their teeth get 14 shades lighter. Your smile will dazzle your boss, significant other(s), prospective job interviewers and whoever else needs some impressing. Kids will want to beat you up and steal your teeth, they’ll be so awesome. Don’t be fooled by the laser whitening treatments you see listed for $199 - they won’t get your teeth nearly as white as BriteSmile (8 shades vs. BriteSmile’s 10 - 14 shades), nor will they last as long (6 months vs. BriteSmile’s 1 - 2 years). Check out what Allison K had to say on Yelp:
I love my teeth whitening results. I had this done over a year ago, and people still compliment my teeth. Even my dentist commented on my results. You go there for an hour appointment of three 20 min sessions of teeth whiting. Your teeth immediately are white after your initial first session. After that, you can pay extra for a “VIP” card, and get touch ups done when ever you like for two years. The staff at Brite Smiles are super friendly. Very pricey procedure [not today! - ed.], but if you already had the braces, retainers, and tried the “at-home whitening kits” this definitely would be your last step for your perfect teeth.
Already had your teeth whitened? Well, you aren’t the only one who can benefit from today’s deal. Email your friends who depend on an impressive smile every day (salesmen, models, etc.) so they can take advantage and move on up the ladder.
This Groupon also makes an excellent gift for a loved one with disgusting teeth. Wondering how you can give this to someone without saying, “you have disgusting teeth”? We’ve got you covered - just tell them you got it for yourself, and then “accidentally” fall teeth-first on a sidewalk. “Heregth, Honeybunth, I gueth I won’th be needing thith.” As an added bonus, you’ll become eligible for next week’s oral reconstruction Groupon!
As a modern-day patron of the teeth whitening industry, you will join a pampered lot – especially considering what our stainy-toothed ancestors of long ago had to endure. (And they didn’t receive mind-blowing Groupon discounts, either.) A brief history:
- 10,000 B.C. Humans ground the bones of woolly mammoths into a fine powder that they wiped onto the teeth using chamois made from cleaned animal skins. The popularity of this technique was partly responsible for the mammoth’s extinction.
- 500-1000 A.D. The Dark Ages. Nothing much going on during these years. People got depressed, let their teeth get brown, and sighed as they waited for their dreams to come true. They never did, in no small part due to their gross teeth.
- 1000-1500 A.D. High and Late Middle Ages. Modest developments in teeth whitening processes occur, thanks to the invention of windmills.
- 1920s Henry Ford collaborated with renowned dentist Dr. Eliot Spitzer IV to create Tooth Wipers, based on the windshield wipers installed on Ford cars. Total sales: four sets. Back to work.
- 1950s Lonely housewives in Orange County, Cal. started the first “BrilloTooth Club.” Chapters sprung up nationwide. The Club remained successful until 1974, when infighting caused it to disband.
- 1980s Veneers.
- Today BrightSmile lasers! Comfy chairs! Safe and painless! Magazines and relaxation!
A teeth whitening treatment at this price is a smart investment– especially when you consider that the improvements last for years. YEARS. A manicure might last you a week. A Wax? Maybe two. But a BrightSmile teeth whitening treatment will take you well into the 2010s. Don’t miss out on this Groupon!
The Fine Print
Only valid at 840 N Michigan Ave location Can't combine with other offers Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.