Without teeth, tongues would slither out of mouths and go on to lead unfulfilling lives catching raindrops and licking strangers’ faces. Keep a stir-crazy taste muscle contained in a gleaming cage with today’s Groupon: for $45, you get a dental package at A Family Dental Care (up to a $216 value). The package includes:

• A dental exam (a $55 value)
• X-rays (a $93 value for adults; a $35 value for children)
• A teeth cleaning (a $68 value for adults; a $48 value for children)</p>

Dr. Matthew Randall and his professional staff protect cuisine crushers with a tag team of preventative dentistry and the latest tooth technology. During the appointment, patients can cozy up under a soft blanket as the dentist meticulously examines mouths, making sure teeth and gums are as healthy as a ThighMaster eating an apple. A set of full mouth x-rays for adults and two bitewing x-rays for wee ones allows the dentist to search for mouth maladies such as cavities and bone loss in tell-all photographs. (If necessary, children will also receive full mouth x-rays.) The gentle dental hygienist thoroughly cleans chompers coaxing plague, tarter, and misplaced Mr. Potato Head parts from the mouth while educating the patient on dental health.

The dental facility ensconces visitors in a laid-back atmosphere, replete with flat screen televisions, sugar-free walls, soothing art, and complementary coffee and water. Patients plagued with cavities can experience the modern office’s Waterlase technology for an additional cost that treats tooth craters with lasers instead of painful drills and needles.