Good bartenders always have advice for their customers' problems, which is why it's best not to bartend in a particle-physics lab or prison. Hone your listening ear with today's Groupon: for $198, you get 32 hours of bartender training at ABC Bartending School in Colton (a $395 value).

Learn how to mix, stir, and shake inside ABC's brand-new facility under the tutelage of experienced instructors. Master the basics of alcoholic alchemy, blending liquors and mixers into sippable sensations. Serious bartenders-to-be fill their brains with 32 knowledge-soaked hours of extensive instruction and hands-on practice. Classes cover all aspects of tending bar, from setup and closing out to bottle flipping and proper peanut-bowl placement. All ABC grads enjoy a lifetime of free refresher courses and access to a Cheers dimension that currently, due to spatial fluctuations, contains only Cliff Clavins.