A good bartender always has advice for customers' problems, which is why it's best not to bartend in a particle-physics lab or prison. Hone your listening ear with today's Groupon to ABC Bartending School in Tukwila. Choose between the following options:

• For $49, you get a four-hour mixology class (a $119 value).
• For $199, you get 32 hours of training to become a certified bartender (a $499 value).
  
  

Experienced instructors teach students to mix, stir, and shake in ABC's drink-slinging facility. During the four-hour mixology course, students learn the basics of alcoholic alchemy, blending liquors and mixers into sippable sensations. Skills acquired elevate party-hosting abilities to impressive new levels, more so than remembering the names of guests’ imaginary friends.

Over the course of 32 knowledge-soaked hours, bartenders-to-be receive extensive instruction and hands-on practice in a completely operational bar setting equipped with everything from blenders and soda guns to glassware and bottles. Absorb logistical aspects such as proper bar setup, mixology principles, and garnish accessorizing while imbibing higher-level instruction in speed technique, profit pouring, and flair training. ABC grads enjoy a lifetime of free refresher courses, job-placement assistance, and access to a Cheers dimension that currently contains only Cliff Clavins.