Language separates us from the animals, just as Funyuns separate us from our dignity. Dictate the terms of your surrender to the ultimate onion-flavored corn snack in one of five languages with today's Groupon: for $135, new students get a six-week group language course at ABC Language School in San Francisco or Menlo Park (a $270 total value, including $50 registration fee). Groupon buyers can schedule their course in Chinese (Mandarin), French, German, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese, Russian, or Spanish.

With a variety of Total Beginner group classes available during evening hours, a class at ABC Language School is ideal for young professionals, middle-aged professionals, and elderly professionals. The teaching staff consists of experienced polyglots who have spent their lives not only studying and teaching language, but also putting their skills to use while living and working abroad. They now stand poised to show students how acquiring a new language can open all sorts of arched doors, french windows, and venetian blinds. Over the course of six weeks, once a week, a teacher will guide the progress of once-timid tongues and help to stretch the brain's plasticity as it absorbs the shapes and contours of a foreign language. Group classes are small, typically from 3 to 10 people per class, and last 1.5 hours.

Valid for new students only. For answers to any further questions, see ABC Language School's FAQ page.