Like a flu-afflicted third grader, ailing PCs often freeze up, make loud whirring noises, and spit cough syrup right back into your face. Nurse glitched gadgets back to health with today's Groupon: for $39, you get one hour of computer-repair services from ACS (an $80 value).
ACS's team of computer-repair technicians speedily travels to homes or offices to reenergize lethargic thinking machines. Whether dealing with sputtering difference engines in need of oil or PCs and Macs contaminated with malware, ACS's expert technicians need only two hours on average to eliminate computing woes. After curing immediate software ills, a machine whisperer will predict breakdowns that might later result from antediluvian graphics cards or the overflow of repressed virtual memory.
Any computer with a high-speed Internet connection can take advantage of ACS's remote support services, which attempt to mend sickly number crunchers from afar. Technicians can repair rogue AIs in appointments made for any of the day's 24 hours, accommodating customer schedules made tight by rehearsals for community-theater productions of Starship Troopers.