Chances are that your days of balancing a scalding coffee atop an encyclopedia atop your head are numbered. A professional chiropractic exam can help you find out if your achy neck is related to the precariously stacked tower of bones snaking up the back of your body, known as the vertabrave or Devil's Jenga. Today's Groupon to Action Chiropractic gets you a spinal exam, x-rays, and an hour-long massage for $59 (a $250 value). Whether you suffer from a duck-like gait, migraine headaches, chronic pain, or debilitating ennui, doctor of chiropractic W. Casey Bearden and his knowledgeable team will spring into action like a well-oiled pit crew descending on an asphalt-eaten Pontiac.
Chiropractic isn't a fly-by-night branch of medicine like phrenology or clinical immunology: doctors of chiropractic receive at least four academic years of education and pass national board examinations before receiving their certification. Dr. Bearden is a graduate of Palmer College of Chiropractic and a member of the American Chiropractic Association, the Tennessee Chiropractic Association, and the Better Business Bureau. He'll put you at ease with his friendly demeanor and help determine whether your problems can be treated through chiropractic care.
After your exam, lie back and relax for one relaxing hour of massage from Action Chiropractic's on-staff massage therapist. Patients say sitting at a desk for eight hours a day isn't the same after the magic touch of these amiable back-benders: joints fit together, back pain vanishes, and your shame over being ditched at prom all those years ago disappears. A session also helps with nerve, muscle, and organ disorders, and fights fatigue and depression in a much healthier way than eating a life-sized chocolate magician.
- His office is knowledgeable in all departments and Dr. Bearden gave recommendations that were customized to me and not cookie cutter advice. – Teddy B., Insider Pages
- Dr. Bearden is the best chiropractor I've seen. He gets results, pays attention to your specific needs, and is very professional. – 33anonymous, Citysearch
- ...the staff really made a difference with their knowledge and swiftness of getting you in and out and making you feel the value. In this rushed life we live, the last thing I want to be doing is sitting around in a doctor's office for an hour plus just waiting. You won't get that here. – jenngirl, Citysearch
Boneswap: Celebrity Edition
Action Chiropractic can unkink your crinkly spine and restore it to straightness and greatness, but what about customers who want to borrow the skeleton of a famous person for a day? They’ll have to go across the street to Famous Phil’s Celeb Skeleton Swap. Which famous bones are available for rental?
Abraham Lincoln: Spend four score and seven hours wearing the long, lanky frame of The Great Emancipator! Our 16th president’s bones are still strong from a childhood spent chopping wood and learning nation-shaping values we still admire today! Pay entirely in five-dollar bills to receive 15% off! It’s a deal so good it’ll have you saying, “I’m thinkin’ Lincoln!”
Mike Tyson: Tired of getting force-fed sand at every company picnic? What better way to put Jacob from accounting in his place than to show up in the mean, bulky bones of The Champ, Iron Mike? This dense, sturdy skeleton is perfect for light household construction or just punching a few chumps. But you might be asking yourself, “Wait a minute, isn’t Mike Tyson still alive?” Yes, but lucky for you, he is having dramatic financial difficulties.
Godzilla: You might’ve heard about this one on BoingBoing! Why be content to spend your whole life with nothing but human bones when we can stretch your skin around the Towering Titan of Tokyo himself! Use your stint in Godzilla’s skeleton to juggle steamboats on the Mississip’, destroy that village where your car got towed that one time, or smack Cloverfield around like the preening diva he is. The possibilities are endless when Big G is in the house! Or should I say, too large to ever be inside of a house. Call now!
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