Like cars, human beings require occasional corrective bodywork, custom finishing, and fresh coats of wax to avoid being towed away and crushed into cubes. Keep your chassis classy with today's Groupon: for $59, you get a body-firming cellulite treatment from Advanced Health Spa (a $125 value).

The aestheticians at Advanced Health Spa help bodies look their best with cellulite-shrinking, olive-oil based body wraps. One of the spa’s cosmetic charons will begin the body’s one-hour voyage with a thorough exfoliation, then apply an olive-oil-based serum that aims to guide bodies back into a more youthful state by stimulating the production of collagen, elastin, and a passion for duckies. Then, you’ll be swaddled in heat-conducting garb while gentle infrared rays stoke metabolism by their heat without the sunburn risk of UV rays or the uncomfortably slimy feel of manta rays. After unwinding your newly sleek form, the technician will remove all traces of the serum with a soothing hot towel and briefly massage the body to help it transition from the wrap’s comforting embrace to the hug-deficient world outside.