If your eyes are the windows to your soul, your teeth are the white picket fence that protect your soul from oversized bites of taffy. Strengthen your defenses against attacks on your soul with today's Groupon: for $149, you get a teeth whitening and cosmetic consultation at Alinea Dental (a $400 value) located at the Carleton Technology and Training Centre on the Carleton University campus.

Dr. Anna Lubanski and Alinea Dental's friendly tooth technicians craft brighter, healthier smiles seven days a week. Ameliorate unsightly stains caused by years of coffee consumption and squid ink gulping with a safe, effective professional teeth whitening. On the first dentist's visit, patients are evaluated to ascertain that teeth are viable for the whitening procedure. Off-colour teeth are then custom fitted for an at-home whitening tray that accommodates a high-concentration pearling agent unavailable over the counter. The procedure cuts daily whitening time down to a leisurely 30 minutes, a convenient upgrade from overnight treatments that require fluoride pyjamas. On the second visit, patients return to pick-up their custom-fitted trays and a two-week supply of the whitening agent with which to blanch blemished biscupids at home, plus desensitizing toothpaste to ensure oral comfort. Mouths will also have a chance to ask the doctor questions about eligibility for future beautifying treatments during the cosmetic consultation.