What You'll Get
Pilates is fast becoming the number-one exercise in America, right after walking and cow tipping. Join the craze with today's Groupon, which gets you five Pilates mat classes for $35 at Alotapilates, a $100 value. The certified instructors at Alotapilates have been shaping bodies, attitudes, and adorable clay ashtrays since 1997. Mat classes are offered on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday at convenient morning and evening times, so it's easy to slip in a workout before work or after a long day of bow hunting. Check out Alotapilates' class schedule for class times and call ahead to schedule your class.
Pilates allows you to build a rock-solid body without turning into Rocky (or worse yet, the inhuman Ivan Drago); strength comes through endurance and repetition rather than pumping pounds of kilograms of iron. Weak backs and flimsy core muscles benefit from the slow but steady regimen offered by the expert instructors at Alotapilates. By learning how to move your body using an efficient range of motion, you will leave your session walking taller and less prone to injuries not sustained from lightning. Perhaps the best benefit of all is the buddy-system-style workout built into Pilates: your motivation comes externally, from cheerful instructors and friendly classmates, rather than from bitterly chanted mantras, the criticisms of highly judgemental absorbed twins, and tyrannical resolutions.
Your motivational instructors are certified by the Pilates Method Alliance to detect imperfect form, dangerous posture, and delicious yet inefficient spaghetti arms. Mat classes are limited to eight students so that your instructor can guide your body into the correct form for safety and superior results. You'll learn exercises that can be easily performed in your cramped studio apartment to tighten your muscles between class visits, and your expert instructor will ably assess and challenge your fitness level, whether you routinely hit the gym or are just now starting on your New Year's resolution from 2008.
Though most Alotapilates customers are busy doing a lot of Pilates, two Yelpers give the studio four stars:
- The classes feel close to having a personal trainer...who gives you exercises to do at home and helps you stretch afterward. This is based entirely on my experience with Tia. – Prachee M., Yelp
- Its [sic] a wonderful studio in a great location. Lots of different class times and great teachers to help you out whether you're taking a mat or reformer classes. – Kate L., Yelp
Bend, Don't Break
Many lessons learned through Pilates are equally applicable in daily life. In the world beyond the mat, you'll still have obstacles that require inner-strength, focus, and, perhaps the most important quality of all, flexibility. Here are some daily frustrations that may give you the opportunity to exercise the new flexible you:
The neighbor's dog has eaten all of your prized flowers: Don't fly off the handle and create a rift between you and your neighbor that no amount of friendly fence talk and accidental-mail exchange can heal. Simply compromise by asking his dog to marry you. The bonds of matrimony will be even stronger than those of pet ownership, and soon the phrase "that filthy mutt is tearing up my flowers" will be replaced with "my lovely spouse is working in the garden." Congratulations!
You have been passed over for the big promotion in favor of that kiss-butt Bryant: Don't use your key to scratch a hex into the hood of Bryant's Ford Tempo. Just remember that even though you love working at the milk-crate distribution center, this could be your opportunity to return to a deeper passion: using the electric guitar to teach penmanship to grade-schoolers and inmates.
You did not win Radio KMFU's "Ride a Helicopter For a Day!" contest, because your accidentally wore last year's KMFU CreepCrew Fan T-Shirt in your submission photo: Call the KMFU CreepCrew immediately and unleash a string of expletives so spontaneous and vile that the station loses its broadcasting license and men with clipboards come to your front door to see if you have a lot of garbage and crime evidence lying around. Explain to them that you just really wanted that helicopter ride, and there are some things in life that one can't be flexible about.
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The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Dec 8, 2010. Amount paid never expires. Limit 2 per person, may buy up to 2 additional as gifts. By appt. only. Must begin package by exp. date. Please call if you have to cancel. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.