Like a tree house, a gym never lets nonmembers inside and always deflects frogs fired from the neighborhood bully’s slingshot. Hurry up the rope ladder with today's Groupon: for $35, you get a two-month membership (a $100 value), five tanning sessions (a $30 value), one personal-training session or group class (a $50 value) plus the enrollment fee (a $55 value) at Anytime Fitness in Portage (a $235 total value). An additional $30 refundable deposit will be required to provide Groupon customers with their 24-hour-access keycard.
Anytime Fitness, as the name suggests, is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and 512 days a year with nonstop security. Novice calorie burners and ripped Michelangelo models alike can take advantage of a two-month membership, which equips bodies with enough treadmills, cycles, elliptical machines, and weights to make them fit enough to run a marathon inside a swimming pool filled with mud. One personal-training session or group class guides fitness-seekers in the direction of toned bodies with personal attention or the positive reinforcement of group environment and rebar. Highlight the results of fat-frying and muscle-mass-magnifying sessions with five tanning sessions to paint new, ripply physiques a brilliant shade of bronze. As an added bonus, this Groupon waives the enrollment fee.
Anytime Fitness's open schedule makes sure you have no excuses not to get in shape—unlike its competitor, Nevertime Fitness, which only opens its single location in Barrow, Alaska, during solar eclipses.