Without teeth, tongues would slither out of mouths and go on to lead unfulfilling lives catching raindrops and licking strangers' faces. Keep a stir-crazy taste muscle contained in a gleaming cage with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a new-patient Package, which includes an exam (a $70 value), two x-rays (a $40 value), and a cleaning (a $90 value) at Arena Family Dental (a $200 total value). This Groupon is valid for new patients only.
Arena Family Dental's staff uses the latest in dental technology to scrutinize and polish patients' teeth. Each new patient's visit begins with a comprehensive exam, in which a certified oral explorer spelunks mouths in search of cavities, oral cancer, and white chocolates posing as wisdom teeth. A technician snaps two x-rays that allow perusal of roots and bone that might harbor decay, then a hygienist unleashes a whirlpool of foam and floss that shreds coats of plaque. During the visit, patients can bask in the sports- and news-based entertainments emanating from the family dentist room's flat-screen television, which periodically transforms into an unusually thin player piano.