Spider veins, much like spider monkeys, may attract attention when paraded about in a pair of shorts. Embrace higher hemlines with today's Groupon: for $99, you get a 30-minute spider-vein treatment at Arizona Eye Institute & Cosmetic Laser Center in Sun City West (a $300 value).

In a bright and spacious medical facility, Arizona Eye Institute & Cosmetic Laser Center's expert nursing staff employs quick, effective spider-vein treatments. Sclerotherapy, a nonsurgical procedure, targets cutaneous cobwebs with injections of solution that destroy enemy vessels from within, much like frosting poured into the gas tank of a rival clown's car. Vein walls collapse and cling together, cutting off circulation and transforming blood tunnels into scar tissue for the body to reabsorb. The removal of spider veins—which are only superficial carriers of blood—causes no upheaval of necessary bodily functions, such as walking or making jazz hands. The process requires one injection for each inch of treated vein, and registered nurses will vanquish as many vessels as possible in a 30-minute period. Because micro-needles are used, there is a relatively small degree of discomfort; most patients describe the process as feeling like a pinprick or getting a kiss from a baby woodpecker. One session generally treats 50%–80% of a desired area, and approximately 90% of patients respond to sclerotherapy treatment.