Groupon cares about your dental health because studies have shown people with strong chompers purchase more Groupons. Unfortunately, many of us are without dental insurance, but succumb far too easily to the American obsession with eating solid foods. Today's Groupon to Astoria Dental at the Beach will bring your mouth up to snuff with x-rays, a dental cleaning, and an exam from Oscar Lopez, DMD, a wildly successful tooth magician who has opened four dental practices across the United States. This Groupon can be used at either of Astoria Dental's two Miami locations.
Astoria’s cleaning regimen will remove most tobacco, coffee, tea, and motor-oil stains from your beloved masticators. Plus, this deal gets you x-rays and an oral exam before the cleaning—that means you're screened for oral cancer, gum disease, and other mouth maladies, problems that could get worse over time. By improving mouth health, you can improve overall health; research suggests a link between periodontal diseases and other chronic conditions, including diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and Alzheimer's. A cleaning might not cure brain fever or hammer toes, but broken fillings and cavities can't hide from Lopez's expert eye (his left eye). Get your uninsured friends together for this deal, and get your Groupon for pearly white teeth and talk-box tonicity.
- Wow, I was long overdue for a cleaning and had a great experience here. My hygenist [sic] was terrific and gave a thorough yet gentle cleaning. Dr. Lopez has a friendly and compassionate demeanor. – Katherine M., Yelp
- I left the office with a smile. All my goals were achieved and would recommend to anyone in need of a dentist. – sandra54, Citysearch
- good caring staff . – lucysanto, Citysearch
Sometimes being a great dentist isn't enough—you also need a gimmick. Here are some dentists who have stooped to gimmicky shticks to drum up business:
- James Darby, the Dentist of the Future: Dr. Darby claims to be from the year 3009, "Twelve years after the Saturn War." He came to our time to practice "future-dentalism," which uses non-invasive tools. Unfortunately, his instruments were damaged during time-flight, forcing him to practice what he calls "barbaric past-dentalism."
- Stand-Up Comedy Dentist Laura Van DeAbernos: As a stand-up comedian during the 1980s comedy boom and a 1991 graduate of the Palo Alto Dental Academy, Dr. Van DeAbernos seeks patients who want to hear jokes about in-laws and microwave dinners during appointments.
- Dr. Griffin, DDS: Rendered completely invisible after ingesting a mysterious serum, Dr. Griffin continued to run his Santa Fe dental clinic without interruption. While being invisible has drawn some curious onlookers, most of Dr. Griffin's patients appear to be drawn more to his friendly manner than to his lack of reflective surface properties.