Jump to: Human Weakness: Tusk-Lack
Score sparkling tusks with today’s mouthy Groupon. For $189, the smile savers at Avalon Dental will whiten, examine, x-ray, and polish your teeth, then leave you with a custom-fitted whitening tray for maintaining smile perfection, a $770 value. Additionally, you’ll receive $50 off any restorative service (fillings, crowns, bridges) valued at $100 or more.
Whether you’re posing with a shopping-mall Santa or the woman you suspect may be Melanie Griffith, the pending holiday season promises plenty of opportunities to showcase a smile. Allow Avalon’s expert team to administer the preventative and whitening procedures and tune up teeth in time for the flash-happiest season.
Before your in-office whitening begins, your teeth will be examined, x-rayed, and polished to remove oral crud. Then a dental technician will use a special light and Sapphire whitening gel (a Rembrandt product) to make your grin on average 10 shades whiter. Avalon will also fit your mouth-knives with a tailored tray and provide you with whitening gel. At home, you can continue your grin-enhancing by using take-home goodies for 15 minutes each day or overnight.
A pretty smile is the worm-baited hook for humans, instantly attracting and encouraging strangers, friends, and potential paramours. After months of teeth-rotting splurges (overdosing on candy corn, caramel apples, and sugar-covered computer keyboards), this Groupon will restore luster to your grayish grin. Get this Groupon as a passive-aggressive present for scraggle tooths, non-smilers, or friends with a voracious sugar addiction.
Human Weakness: Tusk-Lack
Human teeth have evolved into a sophisticated set of food chewers, but we lack the best type of teeth in the animal kingdom: tusks. Tusked animals are predicted to take over the planet with their elongated teeth sometime in the next decade. Here’s what you need to know about these tusked-beasts:
Boars: Known as the “treasurers” of the animal kingdom, they grind their tusks together to produce sharp edges in order to dig their labyrinthine, underground salt mines.
Elephants: These dim-witted animals are said to “never forget,” mostly because humans constantly forget to come up with a more accurate description of elephants.
Walruses: Their lives are horrible because their relatively simple brains can only experience hunger and regret. Walrus tusks are filled with gold but are not valuable because it’s curse-gold.
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