Spas make people feel like royalty without the hassle of shopping for scepters or posing for playing-card portraits. Enjoy regal treatments with today's Groupon: for $79, you get $300 worth of spa services at Balanced Health & Beauty.

Balanced Health & Beauty’s board-certified staff, overseen by an MD, wields the power of modern and alternative medicine to fight aging and enhance appearances with aesthetic procedures, including microdermabrasion. Custom facials ($95) treat individual skin types using products blended from natural ingredients to encompass visages in soothing masks, such as chocolate antioxidant or pumpkin enzyme. Spider veins go into hiding after laser vein therapy ($200) focuses concentrated light pulses to collapse veins that are absorbed by the body over time, and the ND:YAG laser system removes regrettable tattoos of pet goldfish who ended up taking off for a larger aquarium with laser tattoo removal ($55–$200/session). Customers who buy two Groupon vouchers get treated to their choice of a complimentary microdermabrasion treatment ($95), which resurfaces the skin to brush away the appearance of wrinkles, or an Obagi Blue Peel Radiance treatment ($95), a concentrated blend of swear words and bawdy jokes. A full menu of services offered for this deal can be found here.