Although masterfully engineered, the human body is still unable to fly, massage its own back, or detach its own leg when grabbed by a predator. Compensate for one of our most annoying physical limitations with today’s Groupon: for $30, you get a 60-minute massage at Bamboo Massage in Jonesborough (a $60 value). Customers can choose to apply their Groupon as a $60 credit to other services.
Bamboo Massage’s talented muscle defenders quash ache uprisings, root out resistant pockets of pain, and dispatch stress with custom blends of therapeutic bodywork. During a pretreatment debriefing, the therapist will draw from a massive deck of decompression tactics and match the most appropriate kneads to a client's needs, spicing them with essential oils for aromatherapy while avoiding inessential oils such as congealed bacon drippings. Soothing avocado-hued walls, idyllic music, and a serene spa-like atmosphere envelop each one-hour treatment, as the experienced massage therapist deploys gliding Swedish strokes, prods trigger points, and deftly maneuvers deep tissue to stifle mitochondrial sneezes. For even more luxuriant luxuriating, try the salon’s eponymous Bamboo Fusion treatments, starring warmed bamboo sticks that relax tense sinews. All massages cater to sensitive dermises with hypoallergenic oils, lotions, and rousing pep talks.