If your eyes are the windows to your soul, your teeth are the white-picket fence that protects the soul from windpipe-sized pieces of taffy. Strengthen your defenses against attacks on the soul with today's Groupon for clean and healthy teeth. For $49, you get an exam (an $84 value), x-rays (a $120 value), and a cleaning (an $85 value) at Bartlett Dental Associates in Bartlett, a $289 total value.
After you meet one of Bartlett's three experienced dentists, they'll take a peep at your pearlies and consult with you about how to get them looking their healthiest and why Bart Simpson dental tattoos might not be a good idea "right now." After a round of x-rays, you can kick back in a state-of-the-art dental station and relax while the friendly tooth wizards go to work bringing the sparkle back to your mouth-bones, so you can once more strike fear into the hearts of baby carrots.
Teeth have all kinds of useful uses. They make passable chef tuques for G.I. Joe action figures. Incisors can double as bulletin-board thumbtacks. Molars make excellent 12-sided dice for all dexterity-related calculations in Dungeons & Dragons. As such, it's important to remind them that they're loved every six months, lest they feel neglected and nonsmiley.