Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $99, you get a Zoom! whitening treatment and a complimentary dental exam at The Dr. Richard Betor Cosmetic Dental Group in Rocky River (a $550 value).

The experienced dental professionals at The Dr. Richard E. Betor Cosmetic Dental Group apply years of dental experience and state-of-the-art technology to help brighten smiles. The Zoom! whitening treatment effectively removes tooth tans without damaging teeth or gums. First Dr. Betor will conduct an oral exam to thoroughly explore mouth caves in search of oral cancers, tooth decay, and milk duds posing as wisdom teeth, before a dental hygienist coats mouth bones with a special light-activated gel. Patients then bare their teeth to a blue-spectrum LED-light apparatus, which triggers molecules inside the gel to penetrate enamel and lift stains, resulting in fangs up to 10 shades whiter. Treatments typically lasts around 60 minutes, exactly the time it takes to sharpen a cigar box full of No. 2 pencils.