For decades, the lawnmower was the country’s first line of defense against the molemen invasion predicted in serialized infotainments such as Danger Jim Punches Atlantis and The Savage Spinster versus the S.P.I.D.E.R. Syndicate. Protect your family with prudent lawn management and today's Groupon: for $59, you get five mowing services at BidMyCrib.com (a $186.25 value).

BidMyCrib creates an online marketplace where customers post home projects and receive bids from a bevy of pre-screened contractors, similar to the popular online farm-auction site KeepMySheep. The result is a headache-free process that avoids time-consuming phone calls, having to schedule estimate appointments, and getting swindled by the paperboy and his all-singing, all-dancing crew of newsies. Serving up to a quarter of an acre of property, BidMyCrib will act as general contractor to one of the landscaping firms that end up tending your lawn. Because liability remains with them, BidMyCrib will also have one of its own employees clad in BidMyCrib garb supervising your lawn’s haircut to ensure that everything lives up to the highest customer-service standards.

Known as the windows to the suburbanite soul, lawns communicate to neighbors and strangers alike that you believe in an America of pristine grassy fields uncluttered by rotting pumpkins and rodent-infested Christmas-themed bouncy houses. No service will be provided to lawns plagued with dangerous hazards—such as exposed electrical wires, dangerous chemicals, and low-hanging tree limbs—so make sure to put away all your rusty old bear traps and land mines before you set up an appointment through BidMyCrib.

Edging, trimming, and grass-clip-removal services are not included in this Groupon.

Reviews

Though online reviews are scarce for BidMyCrib, a number of satisfied clients have come forward to leave beaming recommendations on the contractor kings’ testimonials page:

• Wow, I have never seen contractors respond this fast before. – Paul Parry
• I posted my project in the morning and by 2PM I had a contractor onsite painting the walls and ceiling, and installing a new light fixture. It was the most stress free experience I have ever had with getting a contractor to work on our home. – Susan Bashkin