What You'll Get
Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon to BienEstar Massage. Choose between the following options:
- For $29, you get a 60-minute Swedish massage (a $57 value).
- For $40, you get a 90-minute Swedish massage (a $90 value).
BienEstar Massage banishes tension from corporeal kingdoms with 60- and 90-minute Swedish massages paired with light snacks and beverages. Lymphologists and lumberjacks concur that a Swedish massage is an invaluable ally in the ongoing quest for total health. Swedish massages employ several styles of expansive and ebbing strokes to relieve tension, mellow the muscles, and restore free-flowing fluency to the toxin-dispersal chutes of the lymphatic system. During effleurage, the hands smoothly circle the skin like epidermal ice skates as a primer for renewed venous and lymphatic circulation. The petrissage and tapotement strokes knead and knock on pressure points in the humanhide, and friction strokes untie the knots in the shoelaces of muscle fibers. The vibration stroke goes all "cell-phone setting during a ballet" on the back and the limbs to get blood and muscles moving. The lesser-known high-five move at the end of the Swedish massage generates camaraderie and coolness.
The Fine Print
Expiration varies. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy 2 additional as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. Valid only for option purchased. New clients only. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.