Racing has its roots in the futile cruises of philosophizing charioteers, who would drive off to find the meaning of life only to find themselves stuck in endless loops around the forum. Drive your modern chariot through existential circuits with today’s Groupon: for $158, you get instruction from expert drivers and a full day of performance driving in your own car at BIR Performance Driving School in Brainerd (a $315.28 value, including tax).

BIR Performance Driving School gives drivers a chance to zip their personal vehicles around a professional racetrack with lead-foot impunity. During Performance Driving School, experienced instructors give customers a crash course in not crashing, complete with driving techniques and safety information, and then ride along for a quick tour to give drivers a feel for the track. When the training is over, racers can enjoy unlimited laps around the course without once hearing the bitter song of the law’s dreaded siren. The racing package includes all the necessary gear—a driving suit, gloves, and helmet—for overtaking Dale Earnhardt’s ghost car, which has haunted the track since 1965. Drivers also have the option of upgrading to get behind the joystick of one of BIR Performance Driving School’s Spec Ford racecars ($325 for a 25-minute session or $605 for a 50-minute session). A 15 percent discount will be applied should customers choose to upgrade.

BIR Performance Driving School has technicians inspect vehicles to ensure that tire-pressure levels are set to the optimum psi, and cars are performing at racing standards. Classes begin at 7:30 a.m., and the track is open until 5 p.m. Eager racers-to-be can download the event calendar to view the schedule and call ahead to make a reservation.